I would like to build my family on sound bases according to Islamic teachings. What is the guiding principle to achieve this goal?

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Question: I would like to build my family on sound bases according to Islamic teachings. What is the guiding principle to achieve this goal?

The answer: First, you should know the features of a good family and those of a bad family, and then you can decide which of the respective features to follow.

The features of a good family are as follows:

1. The absence or fewness of controversies between the members of the family, especially between the husband and the wife

2. The parents’ being as a successful example for their children through their conducts and thoughts

3. Observance of religious occasions, both the happy and sorrowful ones, and also of family occasions, like birthdays, as much as possible

4. Exchanging visits with good people and especially with relatives

5. Communal meetings with interactive discussions, jokes, and narrations of amusing incidents

6. Satisfaction of the material needs of all family members such as clothes, food, shelter, and others, besides the moral needs like love, sympathy, care, respect, and the like

The features of a bad family are as follows:

1. Always or often criticizing and disparaging each other and not respecting or encouraging each other

2. Looking at problems from a pessimistic view, as if they are not experiments from which success can be derived

3. Excessively watching others and suspecting every behavior of the family members

4. The dictatorship of the responsible member in the family and his autocracy in making all decisions

5. Cold relationship between the husband and the wife, while the children live in separation and with bad relations

6. Not reciprocating visits with relatives and other people

Of course, you may not find a family with all the ideal qualities, but you should try your best to raise the moral level of your family to be as near the ideal qualities as possible. When you find a good family, try to become acquainted with it and cooperate together to reach the required level of sound social relations. Beware of being ideal theoretically because reality has its own area that is narrower than in theories.

Generally speaking, to achieve your goal, you should try to achieve the following four points as Imam Ali (a.s.) said, ‘There are four things that bring happiness to man: a good wife, dutiful children, good friends, and living in one’s own country.’

FOR A BETTER FUTURE

My husband has always openly said that he does not love me and stays with me only for our children and now I do not love him anymore and am very unhappy; what should I do?

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Question: I am a mother of three girls and two boys. This is the production of twenty years of my marriage, which my husband openly describes as being a bad choice. He says that he stays with me just for the sake of the children. He does not feel any love towards me as his wife. He is sad and nervous. He insinuates that he wants to get married to a girl that matches his ambition. Now, after my hopeless attempts, I have become like him. I do not feel a deep love for him. I have lost my patience. I do not know what my fate or the fate of my children will be. I cry when I am alone. Does my crying solve my problem or could you show me a solution that would take me near happiness and success with my husband?
 
The answer: To have a happy marital life, one should think deeply before getting married. One should think of the culture, ambition, wishes, and morals of the other person to whom one wants to get married. Without that, life will be full of troubles and sufferings as you suffer now. This is the problem of most of those who get married just to satisfy their lusts; they do not think of what will happen when the lust extinguishes and children come.

Now, let us think of a solution on the basis of “something is better than nothing.” We suggest that you should:

1. care for yourself by using adornments, perfumes, attractive clothes, and nice (unaffected) words even at ordinary times.

2. care for whatever he is interested in, because this is the key to get to his heart.

3. read more about Islamic culture in general, the Holy Qur’an, and supplications because knowledge relieves the heart and guides to the right way.

4. show love to him and to your children and pay careful attention to the sacred instinct of motherhood so that he may understand that you are ready to tolerate every difficulty for the sake of the happiness of the family, of which you and your husband are two inseparable parts.

5. be smiling and ease the atmosphere in the house with jokes and delightful comments. You should not say that what he has done to you has killed this spirit in you and beware of being desperate!

6. not scold him if he insinuates that he wants to get married to a second wife because he will be more stubborn until he achieves what he wants just to avenge his personality.

7. Lastly, supposing he does achieve his second marriage, you should continue acting according to the aforementioned points as if no difficult matter has happened. In other words, you should convince yourself with the reality. Between you and the other woman, who has the right to live her marital life with your husband, there are certain rights and duties that have been determined by the wise Islamic Sharia. Therefore, do not let the Satan throw you into jealousy against the verdicts of Islam, for then you would destroy your religion and lose your life and afterlife. Life is too short and temporary and it is not worth being selfish or wasting time in troubles.

You should realize that when it is difficult for some men to be alone with their wives, either because they have old children or too many guests come too often or the like, they begin thinking of another marriage for some reasons, the first of which is to satisfy their sexual lusts. I do not know whether your husband or your circumstances in the house are like this or not. The assessment is up to you.

Besides all this, I have a word to say to your husband and I hope he will read it with his mind and not with his desires. I would like to say:

Dear brother, I do not doubt that you look forward to a happy and easy life for there is no reasonable person on earth who wants the opposite, not even the scoundrels! Then, try to ponder on your state through answering the following questions:

1. How will you benefit if you destroy your life and get married to another wife? Will your conscience leave you free to be happy with the second wife while you have destroyed the first one?

2. What will you lose if you remain with your wife and children and stay satisfied with your fate?

3. Suppose that you get married to another wife, will you be able to treat your two wives equally and fairly?

After this, I invite you both to think of the following principles and agree, according to them, on what brings you happiness.

1. Be certain that Allah does not determine anything unless it has an advantage for man that most of the time is hidden to him, and when it appears to him, he thanks Allah for not fulfilling his wish, which he had wished for but was not granted.

2. This world and its pleasures are transient and man’s age is too short for him to achieve all his wishes. How many young people are there upon whom accidents come unexpectedly and cut the rope of their hopes and wishes!

3. The value of man is in his good deeds that lead him to Paradise, which has the everlasting bliss that no eye has ever seen, no ear heard, and no mind imagined.

4. It is great for a man to leave behind him after his death a nice picture about himself. This nice picture is contingent on one’s good morals and his respecting others’ rights, which makes others pray to Allah to reward him with good. Will the soul have a pleasure greater than this?

What is the Islamic view regarding belief in magic and paying attention to it?

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Question: My wife and some of my relatives believe in magic, jugglery, and the like. I did not believe in this and I would often say to them that they lived in superstitions. However, a little time ago, I began coming nearer to their beliefs when I saw some signs and heard some stories. What is the view of Islam regarding this matter, to which some Muslim families and communities and even some western people pay a great deal of attention, to a degree that they associate their unhappiness and wretchedness or happiness and success to it?

The answer: Magic and its likes, such as divination, jugglery, conjuration, and employing the jinn for bad purposes, are prohibited in Islam because they are based on lying, cheating, ill-gotten moneys, and neglecting reason and religion. There is no doubt that magic has an external influence on some people of weak, diseased hearts and much illusion. Allah says, (…they taught men sorcery… and from these two (angels) people learn that by which they cause division between man and wife; but they injure thereby no one save by Allah’s permission).

The wisdom of prohibiting magic is that when Allah the Almighty created man, He honored him with reason and invited him to use reason to build his life according to its guidance, whereas magic and other things like it contradict the high divine goal and make man and society live in ignorance and illusion away from the truth and the real facts.

Islam has contended against magic and declared that a magician must be killed if he does not repent. The money gained from magic is unlawful. Teaching magic, learning it, and taking wages for it are all unlawful.

Imam as-Sadiq (a.s.) said, ‘He, who learns something of magic whether little or much, disbelieves…’

Imam Ali (a.s.) said, ‘A diviner is like a fortune-teller, and a fortune-teller is like a magician, and a magician is like an unbeliever, and the unbeliever will be in Fire.’

If magic and its likes had no harmful effects, Islam would not have prohibited them. We do not say that magic has no effects, but one must seek the protection of Allah the Almighty from magic and its bad effects. Allah says in His Book, (So when they cast down, Musa (Moses) said to them: What you have brought is magic; surely Allah will make it naught; surely Allah does not make the work of mischief-makers to thrive. And Allah will show the truth to be the truth by His words, though the guilty may be averse (to it)).

This verse and what happened to Prophet Moses (a.s.) with the magicians shows that magic was practiced by the followers of the Devils, but Allah curbed it so that its influence would not reach those who believed and relied on Allah sincerely such as Prophet Moses (a.s.) and the believers whom the influence of magic and jugglery did not affect.

We conclude that when man believes in Allah with sincerity and certainty, magic and its like will not have any influence over him. If magic was able to have influence over anyone, the devils from the human beings and the jinn would do to the believers whatever they liked; however, we find the believers stronger than them, and, moreover, they are able to even annul the effects of magic on others by reciting some Qur’anic verses and certain supplications, through which they strengthen the spirit of a bewitched one and help him overcome the magic and the magician.

Dear brother, herein, I recommend you, your wife, your relatives, and whoever else experiences these fears with the following:

1. Connect yourselves to Allah sincerely, abide by the legal obligations, refrain from unlawful things, always be pure and always busy yourselves with the remembrance of Allah! Thus, you will protect yourselves from the evil whisperings of the Satan, from magic, and from every evil doing of man and the Devils.

2. Keep these ideas away from your minds as if they do not exist! Thinking of these matters in itself prepares the ground for such illusions and makes the soul fertile to receive misfortunes.

3. Try to keep away from enmities and from those who would use unlawful means to harm you!

4. Beware of those who deal with what are called “unusual sciences”, for they look forward to your money before they think of your treatment!

5. Always recite the Holy Qur’an and the supplications of Ahlul Bayt (a.s.) inside your houses, and especially the ziyara of al-Jami’a al-Kabira, the ziyara of Ashura, the tradition of al-Kisa’, the Verse of al-Kursi (2:255) five times, and “astaghfirullah” (I ask Allah to forgive me) seventy times!

FOR A BETTER FUTURE

Is it wrong to reveal to my daughter, upon her request, the sins of her mother that led to our divorce?

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Question: I divorced my wife twenty years ago. Recently, my daughter, who is married, asked me why I divorced her mother. I was confused as to how to answer her. After she repeatedly insisted, I told her that one day I saw her mother commit adultery with my friend who used to visit me in the house. I beat him severely until he fled from me, and then I immediately divorced her mother. I am regretful that I uncovered this secret to my daughter. Am I sinful before Allah and mistaken in my frank answer, for her mother may have repented after that?

The answer: You would have been better off to cover the sin of your wife, for Allah is the Coverer of defects. By your frank answer, you have placed a thick wall between your daughter and her mother who might have repented (God willing), and furthermore, you have made your daughter live with worry about her reputation and suffer continuous psychological suffering, fearing that her mother might be exposed one day. This is a kind of injustice. You could have covered the matter if you had answered wisely.

A Muslim must prefer the principle of covering and being indifferent of others’ defects, except when there is a greater advantage like in reforming or warning. In some traditions, it has been narrated that whoever covers the defects of others Allah will cover him.

As for marital treason, it may happen to anyone besides you; therefore, its causes must be known to prevent the tragedy and its bad consequences from occurring. Being unveiled, incitements, ballrooms, cinemas, movies, and videos, for example, are among the most important causes for committing this sin. Besides this, when some husbands bring their friends to their houses and their wives participate in those meetings with poor veiling, exciting laughter, speaking softly followed by suspicious looks and desires of touching, traitors and traitresses (curse be upon them and upon whoever paves the way for treason) are encouraged to commit their great sin when the simple-minded husband is absent.

What is the guilt of the innocent daughter who lives away from her mother and father? When this daughter grows up, she looks for the reasons why she has been deprived of the warmth of her parents.

Why do people not think of the consequences of their violating the Islamic Sharia?

Yes, for these reasons, Islam has prohibited such preliminaries and imposed the veil, abstinence, and modesty on Muslims.

FOR A BETTER FUTURE

What would you say to the wife of a heavy smoker that feels unable to quit?

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Question: My husband is a heavy smoker. The place in which he smokes is like a chimney. Everything in our house has the smell of cigarettes. Thus far, my children and I have not even felt the smell of perfumes. Doctors say that the harms of smoking are more dangerous to those around the smoker than to the smoker himself. My husband knows well how much we suffer from his smoking, but he often says that his willpower does not help him in giving up smoking. What would you say to me, to him, and to those who suffer like us?

The answer: One’s will becomes strong if he strengthens his culture, which is mixed with piety and caution for the ends. When we read that medical researches and actual experiments have proved smoking to have serious harms for the smoker and for others, we become certain that a smoker is a victim of his desire and his saying that his will is weak is but a justification for his submitting to his desire.

I know a man who smoked for 40 years and then he gave up smoking, and his son smoked for 20 years and then he gave it up. I also know an old man who smoked up until 25 years ago, but then he gave up smoking. When smokers say they have weak wills and determinations, they just uncover the control of their desires over them. I say that because I myself have suffered from the harms of smoking in my larynx because smokers would not abstain from smoking in the meetings where I ascended the minbar to give speeches. I still suffer from this harm and ask Allah to forgive those who have caused me to suffer.

The fact is that cigarette smoking, which is the worst thing Muslims have adapted in their lives, cannot be justified by any rational reason, especially when it causes harms to others and violates their right of breathing pure air.

Therefore, most jurisprudents consider smoking unlawful on the basis of its “harm and harming”, and even if some jurisprudents are lenient to smoking addicts in permitting them to harm themselves, they do not permit them to harm others. The atmosphere is for all, and keeping it safe is obligatory on them. A permitted smoker has to smoke in a place where he shall not harm others.

Hence, it is required of every religious person who smokes to ponder over his act from the legal aspect and the aspect of the moral principles associated with it.

This is in general, but as for this sister and her question about her smoking husband, I would like to present to her a story of a clever wife that she may benefit from this successful experience.

Once, a wife of a smoker said to her husband, ‘Every day you spend a dinar to buy two packets of cigarettes. Would I also not have the right to take a dinar from our expenditures every day if I were a smoker?’

Her husband agreed, and based on this logical evidence, she took a dinar every day. She saved them until there were 358 dinars after a year. Then she called her husband to the yard. She brought the money with a match in her hand to show her husband that she wanted to burn the money.

Her husband cried out, ‘Have you lost your mind? Do you want to prove the saying of Imam Ali (a.s.) that “women have deficient minds”?’

The wife said, ‘Do you see any signs that I have lost my mind?’

He said, ‘Is there a sign clearer than setting fire to these dinars?’

She said, ‘It is my money and I could have burnt it every day like you but I collected them in order to not lose more than one match and in order to not burn with them my health and the health of those living with me who have the right to breathe pure oxygen. And since you take the word of Imam Ali (a.s.) as an excuse, let me tell you that Imam Ali (a.s.), the great leader and the generous man, was far above to mean with his wise words what you and your like interpret, O my dear husband!’

Being defeated before this clear, practical proof of his wife, the husband opened his mind and submitted to the inevitable truth. His intelligent wife went on to say, ‘Imam Ali (a.s.) was afflicted with a woman who was used as a means to fight him by some men who called themselves companions. Imam Ali (a.s.) gave a speech on this occasion, and said those words to reduce the influence of their plot. In this speech, Imam Ali (a.s.) said about those men, ‘O semi men and no men!’

The faithful women understood what Imam Ali (a.s.) meant by these words, and therefore, they did not object to him or ask him about his intention because it was so clear. In fact, those women supported him in all situations and they remained sincere to him and defended him even after his bloody martyrdom when his soul ascended to the Kingdom of Allah and to His great contentment.’

With these words this wife was able to make her husband stop playing with the meanings of the words of the infallible imams (a.s.) and to make him give up smoking.

The husband was enlightened by the intelligence of his wife and her good analysis of religion and history. Therefore, he made his decision to immediately give up smoking.

Soon, his wife decided to give him that money as a gift for his willpower and as a reward for his humbleness.

Dear sister, this is an experiment from which you and others in your position can benefit. I hope that husbands may take lesson before they meet intelligent wives, for the facts show that when some women know the truth of religion, they definitely become more reasonable than men.

FOR A BETTER FUTURE

My wife follows a religious authority mujtahid different from what I chose, and now she asked me to follow the mujtahid she follows or to divorce her, what should I do?

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Question: I imitate (follow) a religious authority (mujtahid) that I have chosen by my will after I have read his Islamic thoughts, which comply with the present age. There are millions who imitate him all over the world.

My wife agreed to marry me even though she knew about this matter (my choice of mujtahid). But now, a year after our marriage, she asks for me to either imitate the mujtahid she imitates or for me to divorce her. Before this request, we used to discuss the matter a lot. I did not imagine that someday it would deserve to be discussed to this extent or that it would be a cause for wasting our time and annoying our nerves besides that it might be a cause for divorce!

In the beginning, I paid no attention to her request. I heard from one of her relatives that she had known, since the beginning of our marriage, about my imitating this mujtahid but she had said that she would be able to make me change. Now, after her attempts have failed, she comes to me asking me to divorce her.

I am confused and indignant at the same time. I am confused as to what I should prefer; should I submit to this stickling wife who asks for an illegal and inhumane thing or should I submit to the destruction of my marital life and the wealth I have spent in establishing this life?

I am indignant too because I thought that religion was a means of happiness and mental comfort for man, but why do those who ascribe to themselves religion and call themselves Ulama’ throw their ignorant followers into fanaticism? By doing so, they distort the truth of religion and the fame of the good Ulama’ and mujtahids and destroy the happiness of man. Why do the honorable religious authorities and scholars not deny these calamities, which deal deathblows?

I heard about such a matter that happened or caused marital disagreements, but I did not expect that it would happen to me.

Why do some speakers stress the disagreements and political disputes between some religious authorities and leaders while praising their own leaders and exalting them to the level of infallibility and charismata? Why do they think that no one is good besides them and that those who do not adopt their opinions are deviates and misled?

For what is this extremism? Whereto do these persons want us to get with their narrow-mindedness? Has the time not come yet for our authorities to fight these mockeries, which are practiced under the pretence of supporting the religious authorities themselves? I apologize for violating the decorum of politeness. Please, excuse me if I was somewhat harsh in my speech! There is no power save in Allah, the Exalted, the Great.

The answer: Dear brother, I find you right, wronged, and calling for reform. These are the qualities of one who does not leave the true religion just because the pretenders have practically left it.

May Allah bless your faith, certainty, and taqlid. I pray to Allah to bless your marriage and your patience too. Allah always blesses the intentions of the sincere people because He has promised that He will not waste the reward of good doers.

Dear brother, this problem is one of the results of entering into the world of politics without having an immunity of piety in the heart. The manifestations of piety that do not come from the heart are too many! The philosophy of these manifestations is that man is to be tried and then he either becomes more faithful or he perishes along the way. Without being tried, man shall not attain the high degrees of Paradise nor shall he be thrown into the abyss of Hell. May Allah protect you, us, and all the Muslims from the flame of Hell and the moaning of its inhabitants.

You should know that when piety abides in the heart, immunity, which resists the prevailing of envy, fanaticism, injustice, oppression, superiority complex, and the omitting of others from the religious and social stations of activities, will be born.

I wish that those people would at least once in their lives ponder over the speech of Imam Ali (a.s.) about the qualities of the pious people. Piety, as the master of the pious Imam Ali (a.s.) explained to his companion Humam who flew high towards his lofty goal longing for Paradise and fearing the Fire, is the required immunity for every true Shia. If anyone finds this piety inside him, let him enter any field to which his legal duty guides him, whether the field of culture, trade, politics, war, family, sitting in loneliness, or at the table of negotiations. However, this piety has disappeared from the lives of many people in our present age and so their lives have entered into the darkness of injustice; sometimes it is the injustice of the husband to his wife, the wife to her husband, the parents to their children, the members of the family to each other, or the neighbor to his neighbor and sometimes it is the injustice of the government to its people, the people to their leaders, or countries to each other, and so forth. I ask: can he, who is unjust to others, defeat injustice?

There are many Qur’anic verses and prophetic traditions that have warned Muslims of injustice. The Prophet (S) said, ‘Beware of injustice, for it is the darkness of the Day of Resurrection!’

About party spirits the Prophet (S) said, ‘He who is fanatic fanaticizes will take off the noose of faith from his neck.’

In some books I have written about denying fanaticism and disagreements, especially concerning the religious authorities. The most important thing that I have written criticizing this phenomenon and giving curative alternatives you can read in my book (Stories and Ideas from the moralities of Clergymen). In more than 700 pages of the book you will find important instructions about this concern that you and your wife can both benefit from. You can also refer to our books in general where we have tried to treat this destructive disease through Qur’anic verses and the instructions of the Prophet (S) and Ahlul Bayt (a.s.). I pray to Allah to make us succeed in treating our intellectual, mental, familial, and social diseases or in limiting them.

(He said: O my people! have you considered if I have a clear proof from my Lord and He has given me a goodly sustenance from Himself, and I do not desire that in opposition to you I should betake myself to that which I forbid you: I desire nothing but reform so far as I am able, and with none but Allah is the direction of my affair to a right issue; on Him do I rely and to Him do I turn).

The reform that all disputers feign has certain morals and principles, the head of which is piety as Imam Ali (a.s.) said in one of his traditions. With true piety and by knowing its criteria, man can understand the limits of truth and falsehood in all cases.

Imam Ali (a.s.) said, ‘Does it please you that you are from the triumphant party of Allah? Fear Allah the Almighty and do good in all your affairs, because Allah is with those who guard against evil and those who do good (to others).’

The Prophet (S) recommended Abu Tharr by saying, ‘O Abu Tharr, in working with piety be more careful than your care for work.’

However, we find that most of the fanatics who feign religiousness are enthusiastic in their actions but inattentive in their positions with regards to piety and to what the Holy Qur’an has said, (Allah only accepts from those who guard (against evil)).

Dear faithful brother, be pious and let your worships and situations be sincere to Allah to receive His great contentment!

Politics, presidency, fame, praises, and lifting pictures without piety or the acceptance of Allah are but mirages leading to perishment.

I know some persons who expended their efforts in boyish disputes and quarrels that turned the happiness of some spouses into unhappiness and began spreading rumors against whoever disagreed with them in thought until they set the fire of disagreements and quarrels. However, some of them changed their positions after they realized that the facts could not be seen in the dust of the quarrels and the smoke of disagreements.

I hope that those who come after us will take a lesson from this historic period, whose bad deeds have eaten away its good deeds. I hope they will not intrude on each other and kill their powers and abilities over trivial things. Let us heed this advice from our pure leaders of Ahlul Bayt (a.s.) who said, ‘Strive and make every effort! If you do not do so, then do not disobey. Whoever builds and does not tear down, his building will rise even if it is simple, and whoever builds and tears down, his building will not rise.’

I wonder at the followers of different religious authorities who defy death in their disputes!

These authorities differ in opinions because they are mujtahids, and the legal duty of any mujtahid is to stick to his own opinion; otherwise he will be an imitator of other than himself. However, the blame is on the followers; why do they dispute, on which basis do they quarrel, and by what right do they exchange names against the names of the mujtahids!

We are proud of all of our mujtahids, and we tell the world that we believe in freedom of opinion and our evidence of that is the multiplicity of opinions of our mujtahids. Is it not wrong for the followers to deform this shining face of the freedom of Ijtihad  in our Hawzas?

You can see in the following one of the situations when our mujtahids disagree in opinion and how nicely they deal with each other. One of the great Ulama’, who has written many books and accompanied many mujtahids in Iran, told me that in the beginning of the year 1962 AD, and before the uprising of Khurdad took place in Iran, when Imam Khomeini (may Allah have mercy on him) began increasing his criticism against the extinct regime of the Shah, the great Ayatullah al-Akhond al-Hamadani thought that the position of Imam Khomeini would not serve the goal that Imam Khomeini intended; therefore, he sent Sheikh Abdurraheem, the teller of this story, to Imam Khomeini to tell him word by word: “Al-Akhond al-Hamadani sends you his greetings and says to you, ‘O Abu Tharr, slowly, slowly!’”

Sheikh Abdurraheem said, ‘I went to the meeting where Imam Khomeini was giving his lecture. After he finished his lecture, I went out after him and waited for him to be alone so I could deliver the oral message to him, without allowing it to fall into the trap of spies or being heard by any of his attendants because the message was special. I followed him until he stopped near the tomb of the late mujtahid Ayatullah Sayyid al-Buroojerdi to recite the sura of al-Fatiha for him. I seized the opportunity, approached him, and told him the phrase as it was, no more no less. Imam Khomeini replied to me saying, ‘Send him my greetings and say to him: O Salman, rise, rise!’

Dear reader, notice how these mujtahids respected each other. Al-Akhond al-Hamadani addressed Imam Khomeini as “Abu Tharr” because Imam Khomeini was revolutionary in his actions like Abu Tharr was and did not submit to injustice and deviation. Imam Khomeini addressed al-Akhond al-Hamadani in his reply as “O Salman!” He compared him to Salman al-Farsi in his steadfastness, devotedness, and asceticism. Both Abu Tharr and Salman were great companions of the Prophet (S); they might have been different in their situations but with no enmity to each other, rather each of them had his own opinions according to the area of his legal duty. In the same way, those who bore the similitudes of Abu Tharr and Salman sent each other highly polite messages within the morals of Islam although they were different in analyzing the situations and different in their opinions.

At the same time when you see our mujtahids have the morals of the first companions, you see those who pretend to be their followers have the morals of other than them.

Is this the right line of Islam, which Imam Khomeini and other mujtahids wanted and made great efforts throughout their lives to serve?

Yes, there are mistakes, but they are distributed amongst all. No one can be proud that he is free from mistakes or defects. No one is infallible. Since it is so, let each side keep silent! They should not provoke each other or criticize each other baselessly, for ultimately the two sides would lose.

Therefore, each one should act according to the mujtahid whom Islamic freedom has permitted to be imitated and followed. Let the youths undertake legal responsibility with all its moral dimensions. This is the method we impart in our instructions, as we have received from the Holy Qur’an, the conducts of the Prophet (S) and his guiding progeny (a.s.), the events of history, and our experiences in this age.

Acting according to this method requires some important steps:

1. Acquiring knowledge and information by continuously reciting the Qur’an and reading its interpretation, reading traditions and their meanings, and reading good books published by this Islamic school

2. Heartily concentrating on achieving the good end

3. Watching one’s deeds to serve that very goal

4. Respecting others even if they are dissenters

5. Observing equanimity, solidity, morality and gravity

6. Being certain of the truthfulness or falseness of any news that comes to one’s ear

7. Improving one’s mental and intellectual abilities and all the means leading to Islamic goals, and this requires paying attention to these listed steps and also avoiding selfishness and dictatorship

8. Being courageous in taking decisions to change what one has accustomed himself to

9. Complying oneself with news events and being aware of contemporary issues

10. Always praying to Allah for success and being humble to the truth

Dear brother, with these points in mind, I hope your wife will return to her reason. If she is sincere to her religion, she should ask the mujtahid whom she imitates to give her a fatwa. I am sure that he will deny her situation, and ask her to be reasonable and live in peace with her husband.

FOR A BETTER FUTURE

What would you say about a woman who went to the West and adopted unIslamic shameful behaviors?

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Question: My friend and his wife, after spending two years in the West, came to their country to visit their families and friends. The shameful clothes of this wife, the exciting colors on her face, and the perfumes she sprinkled on herself inside and outside the house attracted the attentions of all. When she sat with the women, she showed off and became proud to such a degree that she made them laugh at her shape.

Unfortunately, she is from a religious family. She had not been so before she emigrated to the West. All her family disputed with her, but she faced them with pride and haughtiness and spoke to them impudently and with no Islamic morals. The least of her words to them was “you are still reactionary”.

It is said that her husband fears to resist her; therefore, he lets her alone lest she fall into sin as has happened to many women in those countries, which support the independence of women from the economical side and that paves the way for them to go wherever they like.

What is the obligatory way to deal with such a wife, especially when her husband is weak before her?

The answer: This phenomenon results from previous causes. The most important cause is a weak religious education in beliefs and morals. It was obligatory on her family to plant the facts of religion inside her and to teach her the realities of this world and its deceiving faces.

If this woman is submitted to psychologists, they, unanimously, will say that she suffers from an inferiority complex and she, with her behavior, wants to repair her defect and solve her complex according to her illusory imagination.

Since this wife is insolent and throws her silly words impudently, I think it would be better for her husband to treat her with wisdom and good exhortation, but whenever it is possible, he should dispute with her in a wise manner to achieve a good result. But, if it is possible that this may lead her to be stubborn or to fall into sin, it would be better then to be patient with her until Allah will bring forth the fruit of the wise efforts and good exhortation.

It is important in dealing with women like her, that have been dazzled with the West and have collapsed in fancies, to pay careful attention to politeness and to the Islamic morals when repelling evil with good in order to limit their stubbornness and to prevent their fall.

The husband of this wife must not neglect her case, especially not her emotional satisfaction. Let him permit her to wear any kind of clothes she likes as long as it is inside his house. He should prove his love for her in every possible manner. At the same time, he should speak to her frankly that her behavior, which displeases Allah, disgusts him and shakes his love for her. Does any lover like to disgust her beloved and shake his love for her? This husband should realize that the shameless behavior of his wife makes other men covet her and visualize her in their laps. Does this please a husband with jealousy and a wife with abstinence and conscience?

This is besides other problems that she may face from men who she may excite and who may unexpectedly rape her. As for the problems of the grave, the afterlife, and the torment of Fire, the matter is very difficult and the talk is very long!

I hope that this Muslim woman and those like her are criticized with attention to the previous points and with emphasis also on another important point and that is to explain the disadvantages of displaying a woman’s charms before foreign men. Some examples from Western societies can be shown besides showing stories of western girls who have been guided and have believed in Islam and kept to the veil and abstinence.

Here, as an example and to encourage our girls, I would like to mention the story of a Danish woman who was the wife of a young Shiite man from Lebanon. He told me that his wife had become a Shiite Muslim and resigned from her job, from which she gained a lot of money. She made spreading the teachings of Islam her honorable job. She said that she did not want to see Muslim girls and women fall into what the Western girls and women had fallen into.

She always read Islamic books and after reading them, she would give them to other girls for the sake of Allah and to guide those girls to Islam and to its high humane teachings.

He said about his active wife that she offered prayers a lot and she was very devoted to her religion and veil. Whenever she met a Muslim woman who was a deviate or inclined to the Western way of life, she would enjoin her to do good deeds and forbid her from doing bad deeds saying, ‘we have known the emptiness of our material civilization and given it up and become proud of Islam. Why are you so dazzled by what we have tried and desisted from?’

Indeed, this Danish woman is a source of pride. There are millions like her in the Western countries. Allah has made them as a proof for our women and girls who are emigrants in those countries and for those in our Muslim countries who imitate the western fashions and way of life. Thus, Allah gives them His full proof lest they will have an excuse against Him on the Day of Resurrection, the day of painful torment.

I ask this young woman, who is captured by her fancy and who calls her family reactionary, to ponder over the words of Imam Ali (a.s.) when he said, ‘Shyness and abstinence are from the qualities of faith, the natures of the free, and the aspects of the pious.’

Is the bondage to lusts and desires considered freedom or the belief in Allah the Almighty and obeisance to Him?

FOR A BETTER FUTURE

A woman’s husband has died; should I not allow her temporary marriage with my husband to satisfy her needs?

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Question: My husband asked me to agree to his marriage with another wife in a temporary marriage, but I refused. However, when I pondered on the verdict of the Sharia in permitting temporary marriage, my mind and senses guided me to agree and encourage him to do so. I asked myself: this woman’s husband has died, but her sexual lust has not died. Then, how should she satisfy it? Unlawfully or by suppressing it or by lawful temporary marriage?

There is no doubt that the third choice is the right one, which Islam has legislated. However, Umar bin al-Khattab prohibited it, and it was his personal opinion and for a certain period, as I think. If temporary marriage was not prohibited (by Umar) and if this prohibition did not last for the following ages, the doors of adultery would not have been opened to society. It is mentioned in traditions narrated from the Ahlul Bayt (a.s.) that if temporary marriage was not prohibited, no one would commit adultery except scoundrels. No noble man will go towards adultery while the door of lawful temporary marriage is open to him. This door has been opened by the Wise Creator, Who is more aware of the truth of man and the requirements of his lust than anyone else.

Yes! This was my thought when I gave my husband my permission to marry that widow, but after that, he did me wrong. He went too far and exceeded the limits in practicing temporary marriage until he started ignoring me. He did not even think of the family’s needs.

I am still satisfied with the verdict of our great Sharia and will not allow myself or others to deny or suspect this verdict, but I hope that you can give some advice to men who are like my husband. Is this my fair reward? Has Allah not said, (Is the reward of goodness aught but goodness)? Please, excuse me for lengthening my speech and thank you for answering me.

The answer: Dear faithful sister, it is mentioned in one of the traditions that “do not put wisdom near other than its people for you will wrong it, and do not prevent it from its people for you will wrong them”.

Dear sister, your situation results from your kindness and religious understanding, but your mistake is that you have put this wisdom near other than its people for whom it was intended. A man like your husband, whether you do him good or not, will carry out what he wants and will cover his actions with religion if he pretends to be religious; otherwise he will commit his wrong in an irreligious way, paying attention to nothing.

The problem lies neither in the verdict of the Sharia nor in your good situation, which pleases Allah, but the problem lies in your guilty husband. Be certain that Allah will not waste your reward because He is just and you are benevolent and patient. Besides, you will get your reward for your feelings towards that widow. May Allah bless you and make you succeed in your life and afterlife.

FOR A BETTER FUTURE

Could you give some instructions for what remains of the life of a spinster who regrets being unjust to herself by turning down many earlier proposals?

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Question: I was an unveiled girl at the university. I fed on the worldly cultures until I became self-conceited and thus killed my chance for happiness. One young man after another would come asking for my hand, but I kept refusing, wishing for the knight of my dreams to come, but he never did, or he might have been one of those who came but I could not discover him because of the mirage of my illusions and the facade of my wishes. Thus, I missed the boat of marriage and now I am one of the millions of spinsters. I regret, but uselessly. I have repented to Allah of what I have committed against myself. I do not know where I shall be after my death. I hope that girls and their parents might take a lesson from my case and refrain from complicating the conditions of marriage when a religious, high-minded young man comes asking for the girl’s hand. How long does man plan on living that he complicates this life for himself? Our Islam, the religion of ease, has emphasized religiousness and morality when selecting spouses because it sees in them a sure guaranty to achieve the rest of the conditions of happiness, which are just branches of these two conditions. After this foreword, my question is to ask for instructions for what remains of the life of a spinster who regrets being unjust to herself. Would you please answer me?

The answer: Dear sister, may Allah bless you! I pray to Allah to make your present and future better than your past and to recompense you for what you have missed with the best of that for what you wish as a reward from Him for your repentance, change, and loving heart that wishes goodness for others. I pray for you sincerely that you may defeat the obstacles in your way, and Allah will be with you in this life and in the afterlife if you are with Him.

I have read in your letter bitter sufferings and I feel sorry for your state. May Allah help your heart and damn that culture which has killed your happiness. I join my supplication and the hope and call of your supplication to warn Muslim girls of this predicament before they fall into the same error into which you fell.

Yes, there is no happiness save in going back to the pure culture of Islam. It truly is the culture of ease and bliss.

My instructions to you are as follows:

1. You should build your afterlife with every good deed.

2. You should spend your time with satisfying the needs of the believing women and guiding them to good and righteousness.

3. You should spend the rest of your life in spreading religion by every wise means, for example by publishing books, collecting donations for charitable projects, and the like.

4. Try to learn literary writing and giving speeches and practice them for the sake of Allah only and not to show off!

5. Always ask Allah to forgive you!

6. Adorn yourself with Islamic morals in every case!

FOR A BETTER FUTURE

Would you please show us the verdict of Islam towards the situations of the growing numbers of women who are divorcees, widows and spinsters?

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Question: In our family there is a divorcee, and amongst our relatives there is a widow besides three spinsters. I see this state as irregular, though it is as a result of our society’s ignorance of Islam, which they construe as just praying, fasting, and some other traditional rituals. They have turned their backs on the verdicts of Islam concerning polygamy, temporary marriage, facilitating marriage, and avoiding the habits from the time of ignorance. Would you please show us the verdict of Islam towards the situations of these women?

The answer: The phenomenon of the large numbers of divorcees, widows, and spinsters is universal. In our Muslim societies, it is supposed that this painful phenomenon would be limited if we followed all the principles of Islam without preferring one to another as we like, but, unfortunately, most of the Muslims have missed this way!

Islam is clear in its position towards this phenomenon. We can notice this through the following points:

First, Islam places certain conditions and limits for divorce, which cannot be executed easily.

Second, when a divorce takes place, Islam gives the option to a divorcee to remarry and not remain single.

Third, Islam has legislated the laws of polygamy and temporary marriage within conditions of justice and morality.

Fourth, Islam has facilitated the procedures for marriage with no strictness or difficulty.

Fifth, Islam has recommended people to treat these women with the utmost politeness, kindness, and respect and to feel and care for their sufferings. Islam has promised a great reward for this.

Sixth, wealthy people should establish centers and foundations to employ these women in works befitting their abilities, such as sewing, nursing, cooking, weaving, handiworks and the like, and then the products should be sold, and the profits should be given to the workers themselves, to help the orphans, to cure the sick, or to establish other charitable foundations.

FOR A BETTER FUTURE