Question: I am a twenty year-old girl. I live on my nerves to a degree that I have no confidence in my abilities to lead a happy life. Our house is like a wrestling ring full of crying and shouting amongst my sisters and brothers. We do not agree with each other on most things. We stand against each other in every situation and always frown at each other. None of us respects the other. All of us know that this is bad morale, but we do not know how and why we have been so! What is the way to change our state? Please, do you have a solution to our complicated problem?
The answer: Disagreement between people is somewhat natural because each of them thinks independently and consciously. However, if this independence does not submit to moral teachings, it gets to what you now see in your house, which is similar to a jungle or a zoo. It is too natural that this state makes you live on your nerves and causes failure to all, you being one of them.
The reason often is because of:
1. The lack of a religious atmosphere in the house, such as recitation of the Qur’an, supplications, religious meetings, and reading Islamic and historical books
2. Carelessness of parents to plant love and spirit of cooperation in their children
3. The feeling of children that there is no justice or fairness in dealing with them (by parents)
4. Excessive interference in their affairs which makes them accustomed to laziness and dependence, whereas children should be taught to be self-confident to solve their problems and to achieve their needs
5. Wishing and looking forward to what is not possible except by hard toils
6. Narrowness of the house and the lack of requirements that are common between the members of the family
The way to deliverance is in the following steps:
1. A strained person should relax.
2. He should be away from the place of disagreement or quarrel when it is beginning.
3. He should associate with good neighbors, make friends with good persons, and visit them from time to time.
4. He should go for lawful amusement and spend some time in watching beautiful scenes of nature.
5. He should mention Allah, recite the Qur’an and supplications, and read good books.
6. He should read some comic books when feeling tired or exhausted, because how often it is that a quarrel melts away because of a joke or a laugh.
Here, I mention a situation that once happened in front of me in the home of one of my relatives. We were in the sitting room and the remote control of the TV was in my hand. Whenever a sound of singing or music appeared, I changed the channel or I muted the sound. At that time, one of the boys asked me about the view of Islam about music and I replied to him that it was unlawful. He argued with me and I explained to him the many harms of listening to music. He argued with me again. His father became angry at him. Then, before his father could increase his insults towards him, I directed the remote control towards the father’s mouth as a way of turning the sound down! I made him laugh and then they all laughed with him. It was a moment of delight and joy instead of being a moment of quarrel and disagreement. After that, I explained in greater detail about music and its harms.