How I Found My Happiness?

In 1968 I was born and raised in Hannover, a big city in Germany as a Christian, a Protestant, just because my parents were Christians.
All my life I believed in God but I have never been too religious.

When I prayed I prayed to God, not to Jesus. I never went for prayer into the church because in my opinion it wasn’t necessary, you can do the same at home to be close to God.

At 22, I got married to a Catholic and I’ve got three wonderful children. I taught them that God is always close to them and He protects us with His Angels. But in my marriage I became unhappy, my husband changed himself and he never talked about his problems with me. So slowly my marriage became broken. At this time I felt that I was losing my life, just everything.

In 1998 we moved to Wernigerode, a small town in East Germany for business reasons and I still hoped to save my marriage. When my youngest child was old enough for the Kindergarten I re-started to work. One of my colleagues was a Muslim but not a believing one. I didn’t realize how he taught me some Islamic manners.

One year later I started to change my life. I became able to accept things how they are, no matter if they have been good or not. I realized that everything is made by God. While that time I became stronger. After ten years my marriage was completely broken and I was scared to leave my husband, how could I survive as a mother with three children? But Allah’s ways are sometimes mysterious.

A couple of months later I got the answer. When I started with my first internet experiences I got to know someone on internet and he didn’t tell me that he is a Muslim. He was like the key to my new life Alhamdulilah. We shared our pictures, his was on his homepage. On that site I found two great links: one of the 99 names of Allah (at this time I never heard about) and one of the Qur’an.

I read the first chapter of the Qur’an and was so impressed that I wanted to read more. So I was looking for the German translation. My Muslim brother in the future, Abdul Rahman, didn’t know about this. I told him later that I was reading the Qur’an and he was so happy to hear it.
After a few weeks we got to know that he left the USA to move to Macedonia (at this time the war over there started) but he promised me to keep in touch with me. Alhamdulilah he did, and every time I was so happy to hear about him in these bad times. It was the first time I was afraid about someone I’ve never met before and made a lot of du’aa for him and his family.

I tried to improve my knowledge in Islam and in spite of our distance he gave me great advice to encourage me. My new faith and my belief in Allah gave me the courage to change a lot of things in my life. I left my husband and started a new life. It was a hard time for me but I felt how Allah was always close to me.

I will never forget the day when I had the strong wish to convert. My children found outside a kitten and we tried to save it. I prayed to Allah to let that little creature live. He gave him one week. I woke up at night and found our kitten dead. His body was still warm and I was so sad. I asked Allah why He did it. After a sleepless night I realized in the morning that it had been God’s will. He gives and He takes life. That was the moment; I knew I had to convert as soon as possible. Allah gave me a sign. Unfortunately there wasn’t and still isn’t a Muslim community here.

To convert to Islam, I needed to go to Braunschweig, a town in the western part. I met some brothers and sisters and the Imam on the station, my train was late and I hadn’t much time to stay and to go to the masjid before I had to return to my town. So I said the Shahadah at the station and one sister told me before I would feel like newborn and she was right. Masha’ Allah. It’s difficult to get some more knowledge in Islam without an Ummah and to bring up my children in the Islamic way but I don’t give up.

When I told my family and my friends about my conversion, they were shocked and except for my Mom and my little brothers, they didn’t want to talk with me. I was so sad about that, but I couldn’t leave my faith for my family or anyone else. My brother Abdul Rahman told me it would take time until my relatives would understand and he was right. Still my Dad can’t understand why I was so convinced about Islam and why I decided to wear a scarf. He said that I wasn’t born as a Muslim, it was not my culture. Insha’Allah one day he will understand too.

So when I converted to Islam in 2001 nobody told me how I had to dress or that I had to wear hijab from now. I changed my habits and my dress slowly and almost one year later I’ve got more and more the wish to wear hijab but unfortunately I couldn’t.

I was invited by some sisters for Eid-ul-fitr in Braunschweig. I took the chance and left for the first time my home with a hijab. Masha’ Allah it was a wonderful feeling. I considered if I should continue but I didn’t want any problems for my children as the only German Muslim in town. I asked them and they agreed and a couple of days later, after a lot of du’aa, I realized my wish with Allah’s help.

It has been several years and I don’t regret my decision. I can’t imagine anymore leaving my home without a scarf. People are still looking at me because they are still not used to foreigners here (sometimes I’m being took for a Turk ) but when I have the chance to talk with some about Islam, especially about Muslim women, I do and I must say that I have only good experiences. I’m proud to be a Muslim, Masha’ Allah.

After all, I must say that I don’t regret one moment that I became a Muslim. Islam is sometimes hard but I have never been happier before and I thank Allah that He sent me someone like an angel, Brother Abdul Rahman, because I found the right path for my life.

What Are the Merits of a Timely Marriage?

marriageA timely marriage has many benefits, and a delayed marriage has many losses. Here, we will refer to some benefits of timely marriage:

1- Securing and Strengthening True Faith and Spiritualism

‘Marriage’ is one of the strongest shields against the enemies of faith. During one’s youth, on one side, the attractive forces of spirit and nature, purity and virtue become more active and invite man towards himself. On the other hand, the attractive forces of instinct and sexual lust and desire awaken and call man toward one another.

Each of these two attractive forces is essential and necessary and Allah has bestowed them on man by virtue of His wisdom and benevolence, for the sake of man’s progress, maturity and completion. The invitation of each one of them must be answered positively, and the requirements of each must be fulfilled. If the attractive forces and desires of lust and sex are not properly, wisely and as Allah has set it, answered and controlled, they would rebel and overflow and attack the positive forces of nature and spiritualism and, as they have become bold and wild, they might well ruin and destroy the positive forces!

Marriage is one of the best defensive means for youth in this battle and struggle.

2- Benefiting and Enjoying a Sweet and Cheerful Youth

The spring of marriage is the duration of youth. During this span of time, man is overwhelmed by a peculiar kind of enthusiasm and cheerfulness. If this period is not made good of and utilized, then very soon the autumn of age approaches and the cheerfulness finishes up or is diminished and declines, and man can no longer completely and thoroughly enjoy and utilize the benefits of marriage.

It is the lively, young, and happy love, which contributes and grants enthusiasm and purity to life; while the dead, old and withered love does not possess any enthusiasm and purity to extend to life!

Look at the bud. How it talks to us about life and freshness and gives us the message of life, hope, and aspiration. But the old withered flower talks about depression, hopelessness, ailment, and death. Youth are like that bud, which must be used positively and benefited in this period before they are lost. And so they must erect their marital life upon a solid, strong and even foundation.

The Prophet (S) has a very worthy and valuable saying in this regard which is an argument and authority for all, leaving back no room for lame excuses and unnecessary questioning.

“أيها الناس! إن جبرئيل أتاني عن اللطيف الخبير فقال: إن الأبكار بمنزلة”

“الثمر علي الشجر, إن أدرك ثمارها فلم تجتن أفسدته الشمس و نثرته”

“الرياح. و كذلك الأبكار إذا أدركن ما تدركن ما تدرك النساء فليس لهن دواء”

“الاالبعولة و إلا لم يؤمن عليهن الفساد لأنهن بشر”

“Oh people! Gabriel descended down to me from The All-Kind, All-knowing Allah and said: ‘Virgins are like the fruits of trees. When they become ripe (mature)(and the season of their plucking arrives), if they do not get picked, the sun’s heat made them sour and the winds of autumn make them scattered. So are virgin girls that when they reach puberty and attain that which women attain (i.e. menstruation) then there is no alternative for them except to be given husbands. And if they do not marry, there would be no security that they are not pushed towards corruption, because they are humans.” (Human beings are sexual instinct, which must definitely be satisfied by a spouse. Boys are also like that.”

The Prophet (S) is the total of intellect and reason, proclamations, commands and decrees, which he declares are from Almighty Allah. No style, view and opinion can confront Allah’s command. Any style, fashion, custom, habit, excuse and law which is opposite to Allah’s law is invalid, null, void and worthless.

Those who, for whatever reason delay marriage until the end of youth definitely face loss and damage. If we minutely and thoroughly examine society, we shall meet many people who faced great loss due to delaying their marriage; although they themselves may not perceive what made them face all that loss.

3- Remaining Pure From Corruption and Sexual Deviations

There is hardly a factor like corruption and sexual deviation that cause so much damage to young ones. These corruptions and deviations blacken the lives of boys and girls, and incur suck damage and loss upon the youth, that leaves negative effects on them for the rest of their lives.

Sexual deviation – one of which is masturbation, destroys and spoils the charm, freshness, faith, potential, talents and the existence of a man. Those who are concerned and have contact with society and the youth understand the depth of this tragedy. And they know the extent of irreversible harm and damage that is incurred upon the structure of society, families and youth by the corruption, deviation, sexual contamination and illicit relationships of boys and girls.

The condition of girls who are pushed towards destruction on this course is pitiable, since they have a soft and elegant spirit. They may be involved in the chastisement of their conscience and the burden of sin and agony until the end of their lives.

One of the best and worthiest benefits of marriage is the safety of man from this dirt, corruption and deviation. When I used to read this hadith of Imam Ja’far as-Sadiq (a.s), I would be amazed:

“من سعادة المرء أن لاتطمث ابنته بيته.”

“One of the prosperous matters that a man may get is that his daughter does not menstruate in his house”.

(i.e. before reaching that stage, she leaves for her husband’s house).

4- Safety from Nervous and Spiritual Diseases

If the sexual pressures and strains are not properly channeled through legal and correct ways, they bring into existence an abundant number of nervous and spiritual ailment and diseases, which damage those systems greatly.

These pressures, along with solitude, loneliness and homelessness and on the other hand, lack of a spouse and the pressure of instinct and spiritual agony and weakness of faith (may God forbid) drag one towards sexual deviation and going astray.

From the psychological and psychiatric points of view, sexual deviation, not having a spouse and sexual strains are of the major causes of spiritual and moral or nervous problems. Marriage with a suitable spouse is the best and most effective method of remedy.

Here we present the verse of the Qur’an that says:

“وَمِنْ آيَاتِهِ أَنْ خَلَقَ لَكُمْ مِنْ أَنفُسِكُمْ أَزْوَاجًا لِتَسْكُنُوا إِلَيْهَا …”

“And one of His signs is that he created mates for you from yourselves that you may find rest in them…”(30:21)

Of course all the benefits described here are only accessible when marriage takes place with a suitable spouse.

Source: Youth and Spouse Selectio;  written by Ali Akbar Mazaheri  and translated by Javed Iqbal Qazilbash

Should a man go against the wishes of his sick wife and marry another to satisfy his needs and desires?

Question: I have a friend whose wife is sick and she cannot satisfy his sexual desire. At the same time, she strongly refuses to let him marry another wife. She acts like she’ll die whenever he wants to discuss this subject with her, though he has the right to marry another wife even if his first wife is sound. Then, how about it when she is sick? I wonder at the selfishness and the unjust jealousy of such women towards their poor husbands! My friend is always nervous because of his wife who is not ready to talk about polygamy. What do you suggest for a solution? Should my friend continue living with his wife and remain without children, satisfied lust, or comfort or should he marry another one regardless of what will happen?

The answer: This husband has the right to get married whether in order to get children, to satisfy his sexual lust, or to relieve his strained nerves, but executing this right requires great wisdom in caring for the moral side. He, to the extent of his abilities, has to convince his wife and assure her that he will not leave her alone or ignore her if she agrees on his marriage to another wife, rather her agreement shall make him love and respect her more. He must carry out his promise to her after her agreement.

If this attempt does not succeed, he should send some wise relatives of hers to convince her and explain to her the divine verdict in this concern. They should explain to her that by preventing her husband from marrying another, she will bring upon herself the wrath of Allah that will lead her to the torment of the afterlife because, by doing so, she denies one of the verdicts of Allah and prohibits a lawful right of her husband on the one hand, and on the other hand, she may lead her husband to commit unlawful acts. In fact, her permission is not a condition for the validity of her husband’s second marriage, but it is just a moral requirement.

If this attempt does not succeed either, then the decision is up to the husband whether he wants to live with her and make sacrifices for her or if he wants to get married to another, regardless of the consequences.

I myself know someone who went ahead and married another wife in spite of his wife’s threats, and then she submitted to the reality. However, I also know other people who married additional wives in spite of their wives’ threats, and their wives did in fact carry out their threats and caused their husbands many troubles.

I do not know which type the wife of your friend will be! I pray to Allah that she recovers her health and makes her husband happy, and I hope she will find pleasure in submitting to the verdict of Allah because nothing will be more useful to her than the verdicts of Allah, which surely have wisdom and advantages that may be unknown by man, for Allah is more aware than us.

Such women have to think of the pleasure of Allah and their ends in the afterlife. This life is transient and ages are too short however much they last! Then, let these women do good deeds and leave good remembrances after them!

What should we do about people who sleep too much?

Question: The idle youth waste their time in sleeping too much. They sleep with no alarm clock. What is the solution for such people?

The answer: They should read the following verses of poetry and come to a decision:

“O you, who sleep too much and are indifferent,
too much sleeping brings regret.
In the grave, when you enter into it,
there will be a long sleep after death,
and a bed of sins or good deeds you have done
will wait for you there.”

The holy traditions warn of too much sleeping. The Prophet (S) said, ‘Beware of too much sleeping, because it leaves its friend poor on the Day of Resurrection.’

Imam al-Baqir (a.s.) said in a Qudsi73 tradition that Prophet Moses (a.s.) had said, ‘O my Lord, which of Your people is the most odious to You? Allah said, ‘Carrion (sleeping) in the night and idle in the day.’

Imam as-Sadiq (a.s.) said, ‘Allah hates much sleeping and much idleness.’ He also said, ‘Much sleeping wastes religion and life.’

The youth should create jobs for themselves or spend their spare time in reading and acquiring good information and memoriz