Archive for category: Lifestyle

• Many issues known to us as “unpleasant but meantime inevitable necessities” of life are the products of our illogical deeds and are often avoidable!

• Many snares which we suppose destiny has imposed for us are the same chains that we have made by our own hands.

• A major part of problems in our life is indeed obstructions, excuses, obstinacies, and even inflexibilities exhibited by us when facing events, but not real problems!

It is said that once Rostam, the Iranian epical hero, decided to conquer some parts of Iran that no preceding gallant conquerors had succeeded in.

During his journey towards the heart of this region, he faced “seven great obstacles” each of which was more terrible than the other. Once he faced the white demon, and once the giant dragon, and once the dangerous magicians. Finally, he passed them one by one with his strength and skills. He passed the seven stages (seven adventures) and overcame them. Ferdowsi, the Iranian epic poet has described and versified the story in Shahnameh with attractive delicacies.

The legend is a romantic representation of the mass of problems in a man’s life, their abundance and intensity, and a plan for showing ways of overcoming these problems.

Nowadays, the issue of marriage and passing its obstacles is not easier than what Rostam did when passing the “seven legendary adventures”. The only difference is that neither all youths possess the bravery and power which Rostam had for passing the seven adventures, nor basically they are so decisive and determined!

As mentioned, no other social issue has so deviated from its original and normal form (with such harmful and disturbing embellishments) like marriage.

The groans, complaints and clamours of the youth and parents for the huge costs of marriage are mostly for these additional formalities. Otherwise, the basis of marriage is too simple, pure and sacred to cause so many problems and troubles.

At present, for many people, marriage is like mining “gold” from the mines which is mixed with impurity that it is not economical and does not worth such a trouble!

Impurities of marriage are the very competitions, wrong customs, transient humours and fancies, achieving unreal honour, prestige and personality.

Marriage has lost its main visage among the mass of problems. It is transformed to a “horrible monster” that not all individuals could bear.

Worse is that a few people dare to challenge these embellishments and impurities. In this respect, the educated are worse than the illiterate. Now, people are weaker and more disabled in this challenge as compared to the past.

Many people satisfy themselves with a wrong reasoning that “a man marries once during his or her lifetime, and could not celebrate it simply”, or “let us realize our last desires, whims and internal tendencies”!

They ignore that when this wrong reasoning becomes popular, it changes into the greatest hindrance for felicity and happiness of the youth.

The youth shall pass the seven adventures of this long way just with their heroism, like Rostam, and break these magic spells. This involves seven adventures, including:

1- Unlimited and dreamy expectations; the expectations of girls from boys, and boys from girls, and parents from both of them

2- Raising undue embarrassments; by many of the parents, families, relatives and friends

3- Heavy dower sum

4- Extra formalities; for wedding ceremonies and the dangerous competitions

5- Petulance for being in the same and equal position and rank by two families

6- Fiery loves; which are uncontrollable and at the same time unconsidered

7- Excessive obsession; and lack of confidence and trust on each other in the future

When we reflect on these seven problems, we see that most of them are not concerned with the issue of marriage, but to its embellishments.

For instance, consider the issue of “matching and being equal in rank”, which is a great hindrance for marriage of many youths, while it is only a mirage.

A 30 years old man who introduced himself as an “Oil Engineer”, and agreed that he has a good salary, complained and groaned for failing to marry yet.

He said: I cannot select a wife from any family, because I shall find an honourable and prestigious family in the equal rank with me.

However, when I find such a family, they propose such terms, conditions and expenses for marriage that just an “electronic brain” can calculate it! …

I asked: If you mean sufficient education and knowledge by “prestige, honour, …”, I can introduce you to many families having educated and able girls, ready to marry with those like you. If you mean having high human attributes, moral values and or interesting in physical and corporeal privileges, still there are many of such girls among the middle class but noble and honest families.

But I do not think you mean any of them. By an honourable and esteemed family, you may mean that her uncle shall be a general director or general manager, and her parents shall be rich, and have an expensive house and car! Is it true? … I found that he meant the same.

I said: Then, making such a big mistake for evaluating prestige based on these affairs, and not human’s actual privileges, it is not a surprise if you are in such a trouble!

It is interesting that in our Islamic traditions, “being equal in rank” with the wrong concept prevailed at that time among tribes and social societies, has been strongly condemned, and Islam has introduced faithful women and men, girls and boys in the same and equal rank.
We read in Islamic traditions:

المؤمن کفو المؤمن
A believer from any family, race and social class is in the same rank and position as the other believer.

Therefore, if the delusive ideas about class life and social ranking are eliminated, and both parties like each other for what has a human, logical and rational value, not for the positions of uncles and families, wealth, car and property of aunts, the problem will be surely solved. This applies to many other hindrances for marriage as well.

In addition to what was explained above, there are always filthy and dirty elements in such societies, who prefer being single to a life of matrimony, called “centres of prostitution” that are an important factor for decrease in marriage as well as dissolution of families.

These filthy centres which are necessarily besides present unhealthy societies are a clear proof for abnormal temper and condition of these societies.

Prostitution and its centres shall not be discussed only in view of being a centre for expansion of immorality and spread of various types of corporeal and mental microbes.

Neither shall it be discussed in view of its effect on the marriage and tendency to singleness, although these aspects require precise discussion and study.

Rather, it shall be also discussed in view of the floozies who gather and prostitute in these centres.

Those who have had precise studies in this regard and have written books after extensive researches, confess that the situation of this group of prostitutes represents the most painful and grievous types of slavery in the middles ages.

They are excluded, forlorn and really helpless women, who are always indebted and burn day and night like a candle to illuminate parties of lust and sensualism, and finally die forsaken in the worst condition, and there is no one even for their burial.

Which conscience authorizes existence of such helpless slaves in the society when it claims to have abolished slavery?!

We shall not forget this pitiful slavery that has been regretfully recognized and affirmed by many modern societies, is the result of facility of illegal relations.

Women bogged down in these fetid swamps of society are often the same victims of illegal relations, who are gradually led to these centres. The story of these women mentioned in some books is undoubtedly one of the most grievous tragedies and a blemish for modern societies, but unfortunately, it is less studied and discussed.

Therefore, for prevention of dissolution of families, fall and decrease in matrimony, and delivering these helpless slaves, this sort of freedom, licentiousness and possibility of illegal relations shall be prohibited. This is not possible save with provision of a proper program.

Considering the above facts, the dear youths shall care more for themselves and their friends, and pay no heed to the well-worn deceptive phrases uttered by unclean individuals for drawing them to these types of licentiousness.

Those who introduce this situation and these centres as a social necessity, and are going to reduce the obscenity and ugliness of prostitution, and rather call this illegitimate action a means of guarding the chastity of families!! and health of youths!!, are really wrong.

Is existence of a fetid swamp resulting in expansion of immorality and even corporeal diseases which are separated from the societies to prevent transmission of taint to the families, a social necessity?

Today, social life is not in a normal and proper form in most parts of the world, one example of which is decrease in marriage and preference of abnormal life of “singleness” by the youth.

As we have already explained, in addition to decrease in matrimony and expansion of singleness in the human generation, it is deemed a great disaster for human society in view of creation of a sort of life system without feeling responsibility, cut off from social relations, indifference to social events which are definite results of a single life.

If we add the moral aberrations in which many singles are engaged, the significance of this social problem will become more evident.

Now, let us study the main causes of this dangerous social event:

Undoubtedly, this abnormal situation is not the effect of one or two causes. However, some main causes attract more attention, one of which is the issue of “proliferation of illegal relations”.

On one side, due to the facility of these relations for many youths, “a woman” has been changed to a mean, cheap and even “free of charge”! being who is easily accessible.

In this way, she has lost the value, significance and prestige previously rendered to her in the society, and she is not a precious and dreamy being attracting the youth to her anymore.

Women’s increasing nudity in the modern world has contributed to her raunchiness. Although it may be a transient cause for attraction of the capricious men at the beginning, but it finally results in the raunchiness and cheapness, while this is in contrary to what these women expect!

On this account, in the current societies there is no trace of those pure, sincere and passionate loves which existed in the past, because man always finds fervent love to what is not easily accessible, and it is nonsense to love a mean, cheap and free of charge being, what to say about fervent and fiery love!

On the other hand, many licentious men may ask why they should undertake so many “terms” and “responsibilities” of marriage to gain access to a woman, while many of them are accessible without acceptance of any term or responsibility?!

Hence, since they are not familiar with the ominous consequences of sexual and moral licentiousness and see woman merely as a means of satiation of sexual desire, basically they consider acceptance of marriage and so many terms and responsibilities, a silly decision! and spend all or a major part of their life being single.

Taking into account these facts, the effect of “possibility and facility of illegal relations” on decrease in marriage is exactly clarified. In western societies, where this freedom and laxity is more, matrimony has decreased further. They marry when they are aged, and even these marriages are so weak and short-lived that it often dissolves for small and sometimes ridiculous reasons!

Every youth faces these barriers
Statistics indicate that marriage (particularly in recent years) has considerably decreased, and in contrary, marriage age (especially in big cities and places nearer to civilization) has increased so that youth marry at ages when “enthusiasm” and “vivacity” has nearly faded, and the prime time of marriage has ended.

Of course, this is caused by various factors, the most important of which are:

1- Extended period of education

2- Possibility of illegal relations

3- Unavailability of needs of life (as desired) and heavy expenditures for marriage

4- Distrust between young boys and girls.

Here, we will study in details the first two parts which enjoy more significance:

Some social planners have proposed the plan of “Compulsory marriage” without making any effort and endeavour to study about the causes of this danger and the way to encounter it. That is, for instance to impose a kind of special tax on “singleness” to force the youth to accept family life; or to deny single youths employment in different institutions; or to consider other severe punishments for these youths!

Some youths ask us: What is your idea about this plan? Do you think it is an effective and proper solution?

We believe that if “compulsory marriage” implies application of some ways, like denying to single youths employment in different institutions, it may be slightly and temporarily effective in the current situation, but it would never be a final solution for the “dangerous event of decrease in matrimony”. Rather, it may even create undesirable reactions.

Basically, “marriage” and “compulsion” are two contrary terms that are never compatible with each other. Compulsory marriage is like “compulsory friendship and affection”!

Is it possible to inspire affection and amity between two individuals compulsorily and forced by law?!

Marriage, in its proper concept, is a kind of spiritual and corporeal relationship for a peaceful common life in prosperity and sincerity. On this account, it shall be established in a free and optional condition, void of any imposition. Therefore, any marriage contract concluded without full satisfaction of both parties is repudiated by Islam.

Marriage is not like “military service” to dispatch one to the garrison and force one to learn military techniques under particular control.

It is strange that “planners” try to reform the present condition, which is the result of a series of social abnormalities without paying least attention to the causes of its occurrence.

We believe that even if such plans are practical, they are only considered as a sedative medicine, while “the main causes” of this event and “the causes of its causes” shall be found and eradicated.

Then, the present abnormal, illogical and undesirable situation of marriage would be automatically corrected.

Therefore, we have better to study each of the above four factors as the main causes of decrease in marriage independently.