40 Points a Muslim Parent Should Never Forget

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A mother adjusts her daughter's headscarf to celebrate the start of the three-day Eid al-Fitr festival in Kuala Lumpur on 30 August, 2011. Eid-al-Fitr celebrations mark the end of the fasting month of Ramadan. AFP PHOTO / Mohd Rasfan

  1. Give gifts to your daughter(s) first.
  2. Play with your children.
  1. Do not hit your child when they cry.
  1. Kiss your child.
  1. By saying Salām to your child, build their sense of personality and character.
  1. Do not ridicule the actions of your child, nor call them silly.
  1. Do not order or forbid your child too much, as this emboldens them and leads to rebellious behavior when older.
  1. Build your children’s characters by respecting them.
  1. Keep your promises.
  1. For the sexual training of children, the parents must first teach their children not to enter their bedroom without asking permission.
  1. Spoiling a child creates weakness, and a lack of will and determination.
  1. Nothing silences the sense of self-trust in a child more than forcing him to do things they may not have the capability of doing.
  1. Pray for your children, both during pregnancy and afterwards.
  1. Reminders and requests should be given with gentleness and softness so as not to create a barrier between parents and child.
  1. If your child is respected, he/she is less likely to rebel against the rules of the house.
  1. A good role model is someone who adjusts their children’s desires wisely and with the correct techniques.
  1. Foster the faith of your child.
  1. Stay away from wrist-grabbing and bossy behavior with children.
  1. One of the duties of parents is to foster the innate nature of telling the truth in children.
  1. Do not use fear as a method of raising your child, as this causes damage to their personality and leads to psychological problems
  1. Cuddling and kissing a child is one of their soul-foods, and it is necessary that enough of this is given to them.
  1. Parents have a responsibility to make their children understand the indecency of sin and create an aversion for people who partake in this, and likewise, to reproach the bad and encourage the child’s good actions.
  1. The beds of children of 6 years and above should be separated from each other, even if they are both daughters or both sons.
  1. As well as the natural characteristics that the child inherits from his or he parents, the environment and Nurture of the child have a profound effect.
  1. There should be a difference in the order and expectations of the behavior of a child inside the home, and out; At home, allow the child to play freely.
  1. Always bear the unexpected behavior of your child to a limit and do not always take the mistakes of your child to be unforgivable, so that you are not always compelled to punish.
  1. When instructing your child, don’t mention the names of other children constantly, or compare them with others.
  1. Stories are a useful and important method of encouraging good qualities and characteristics, and discouraging bad ones, such as the rights of friends, faith, etc.
  1. The mischievousness of your child in the early years is a sign of increased intelligence in the older years, so you shouldn’t be too worried or punish it too much.
  1. Make your children perform Ŝalāt from 7 years, and fast from 9 years, either half day or more or less, depending on their abilities.
  1. Do not be quick to accuse your children of lying because until 5 years, real lying or lying out of self-interest is rare.
  1. Do not condemn a child who has tired you with their questions, as this weakens their sense of curiosity.
  1. Try not to quarrel, especially in front of the child, as this troubles them greatly and affects their personality.
  1. Children have a particular fear of the word death, especially death of their mother or father; Therefore, where it is not necessary, don’t speak constantly of your death, or the like.
  1. Find out about your child’s talents and develop these as much as possible.
  1. In terms of verbal aspects, do not over-saturate your child so that they go on the wrong path, nor under do it, as both these methods are dangerous.
  1. The single most important cause of the happiness of the child is the kindness of the parents.
  1. It is important that the parents give freedom and independence to their children according to their capabilities, so that they develop their initiative, innate independence and self-trust.
  1. Raising your child properly is one of the responsibilities of a parent, and lack of attention to this responsibility is a cause of reproach of the Imāms.
  1. Teach your children the Qur`an.

 

Source: “From Marriage to Parenthood The Heavenly Path” Written  by Abbas and Shahin Merali

 

The best name you can pick for your child

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Names and labels are signs and mirrors that reveal the character and nature of that person or thing. Name, is a word that automatically reminds you of the named – the owner – when hearing it. It is necessary for every creature (plant, animal, object and…) to have a name reminiscent and distinctive of their entity.

Providing that mankind is the greatest of all creatures and that every single human possesses a different and distinct set of attributes, it is only right to choose the most appropriate and suitable of names for each and every one of them, a name specifically suitable with the honorable and proud human character. The Prophet of Islam (sa) said: “One of the rights a child has upon his parents is to choose a good and righteous name for him/her.”1

In Islam, having a good and righteous name is considered to be a value that has positive influence on the body and soul. Therefore it is upon every parent to put good and appropriate names on their children, for positive names remind you of good things while inappropriate names bring to mind bad thoughts which might insult the owner.

In Islamic ethical resources we find some criteria for righteous naming, for instance:

1. The name must be properly chosen to fit the owner’s personality throughout his life, during all periods and ages (childhood, teenage, youth and elder years).

2. It should not be one of the names of Allah Almighty. For example: Dhat, Rahman.

3. The best name is one that indicates obedience to God, like Abdullah, Abdurrahman and Abdurrahim.2

4. The names of the Prophets (as) and Imams (as); it has been stated in Ahadith that the best names are the names of the Prophets (sa).3
 Imam Sadeq (as) narrates from the Prophet of Islam (sa) that: whomever has three children and does not name one of them Muhammad has betrayed me.4

5. It must not have an immoral and regretful meaning or belong to an immoral figure.

In a hadith from Imam Baqir (as), the Prophet (sa) is quoted exemplifying the best and worst names as follows:

The best names: Abdullah, Abdurrahman and…. The worse names: Dharaar, Murrah, Harb and Dhaalem.5 In a few other hadith the names Hakam, Hakim, Khalid and Malik were added to the above.6

There are different levels amongst the good names, making some of them better and more valuable than the others. Hence it is important to choose the best name that exhibits the most standards.

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[1] “حق الولد علی والده ان یحسن اسمه و ادبه”.

[2] Bihar al-Anwar, vol. 101, pg. 130.

[3] Bihar al-Anwar, vol. 101, pg. 130.

[4] Bihar al-Anwar, vol. 101, pp. 130 and 131.

[5] Hurr Ameli, Wasa’el al-Shia, vol. 21, pg. 399, hadith 27403, Al-Maktabah al-Islamiyyah, fifth print, 1398 (AH).

[6] Hurr Ameli, Wasa’el al-Shia, vol. 21, pg. 398, hadith 27399.

Significant Advice for Mothers

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Significant-Advice-for-MothersImam Ja’far al-Sadiq (a.s.) has advised mothers that they should put their new born babies to sleep on their left side.

For centuries this advice was considered by many as meaningless and absurd since no one could see any use in putting babies to sleep on the left side of mothers. Some people even went to the extent of remarking that it was dangerous to carry out his instructions. Mothers may take a turn while sleeping and crush the baby to death. No one in the East or West took that advice seriously. Even during the Renaissance period, when scholars in Europe studied every theory critically, no one tried to find out whether it had a scientific basis.

In 1865, Ezra Cornell founded the Cornell University in NYK. In this university he set up under the department of medicine, an institute for the Research on New Born and Suckling Babies. A research scholar of this institute who travelled to different parts of the world, observed that mothers in every country carried their babies in the left arms.

Doctors in this institute observed that babies who are put to sleep on the left side of their mothers sleep more soundly and peacefully but those who are put on the right side, wake up every now and then and cry. It was reported that for the first few days after their birth, babies would have no rest at all, if they are not on the left side of their mothers.

After the invention of holography, holographic pictures of unborn babies were taken which revealed that the mother’s heartbeat reached the ears of the baby in the womb. Experiments were made of different mammals to find out the reaction of the foetus. All experiments showed that whenever the heart of the mother stopped beating, the foetus became restless and agitated, because it feeds on the blood, which comes to it with each and every heartbeat.

These experiments proved that unborn babies are not only used to hearing their mother’s heartbeat, but their very existence depends upon them. Heartbeats mean to them a constant supply of food. Stoppage of heartbeats signals starvation and death. They depend so much upon the heartbeat that even after they are born, they become restless, if they do not hear it. A new-born knows its mother’s heartbeat quite well and that is why it sleeps comfortably and peacefully, when it is on the left side of the mother and can hear the heartbeats clearly.

If the Cornell University had not been established and the research work on babies was not done, no one would ever have realised the scientific importance of the advice of the Imam that mothers should put their babies to sleep on their left side.

Imam Ja’far as-Sadiq (a.s.) was ahead of his time by 1,100 years. Indeed he had access to Ilm Ladunni (divine knowledge).