As a young girl, how do I avoid the mistakes in marital, family, and social relations?

12.27.10-3-Mistakes-You’re-Making-on-Your-Resume-and-How-to-Correct-Them-NowQuestion: I am a young girl. I want to begin my life safe from obstacles. You know well that the mistakes in marital, family, and social relations are too many. How can we avoid falling into them?

The answer: There are four factors that lead one to fall into mistakes. The first is a psychological factor. It is when man follows his desire and loves himself, his kin, friends, party, or country in a way that his love does not submit to the Islamic values declared in the Holy Qur’an and the Prophetic Sunna.

The cure, here, is achieved by submitting this psychological factor to the true wisdom of religion. Submission to the will of Allah and relying on Him in the lawful way of living cause the psychological factor to become defeated.

The second is a material factor that concerns the physical condition of body. It is clear that some mistakes occur due to some pressure caused by a pain that man cannot tolerate and so he does what he would not do if he were sound and healthy. Weather, noise, and fatigue are also among the material factors.

The cure lies in treating the diseases and getting rid of what troubles one’s body and annoys his nerves.

The third is an intellectual factor, which concerns the shallow cultural level or the kind of culture that one receives. One must get his intellects and cultures from honest sources in order to not become involved in mistakes due to ignorance or wrong information.

The fourth is an environmental factor. Bad friends in the street and school or an unreligious family cause one to fall into mistakes.

As long as one is influenced by these factors, he will fall into mistakes and as long as he keeps away from them, he will remain safe.

Dear sister, you should follow the practical steps first by knowing Allah and being sincere to Him without flattering anyone. You should care much for your bodily health, think correctly, and then choose good persons to be your friends.

source :For a Better Future

How can I help a family member to be rightly guided?

muslimfamily-copyQuestion: Could you please explain to me the reasons for a young person’s becoming corrupt and failed in life? My sister and I are close in age. I am thirty years old and she is twenty-eight years old, but in regards to faith, there is a great difference between us, even though our father and mother (may Allah have mercy on them) were very faithful. Please, tell me how to save my sister from what harms our reputation and family honor!

The answer: Deviation from the right path begins when man feels that he is in not in need of anyone besides himself and when there he has no wise advisor. A young man or a young woman begin to establish relationships that may slowly lead him/her to serious problems because one’s conduct develops via the relationships surrounding him, then his feeling of independence and his desire to be different from others grow, and he begins to prove his personality through resistance and mutiny. Here, parents and relatives should know that regret would be useless!

From the first moment that a youth feels that he is not in need of anyone else, there must be an advisor there to guide him to the right way. But, after he is snatched away from his kind nurturing family by bad persons, reforming him will be very difficult, except in special cases, and will require great efforts.

Social studies confirm that the disregard of parents, whether willingly or unwillingly, towards this fact is the basis of motivating children to go towards corruption. The methods used by parents or guardians in dealing with children (i.e., whether they grant children full freedom, treat them dictatorially, or treat them moderately) have the main role in forming the future conducts of children.

Unfortunately, parents are negligent of their children in the initial stages of their lives, and then the children face problems when they grow up because they were trained to walk towards corruption and deviation. It is not right to give children full freedom or treat them dictatorially. To be safe from educational obstacles, one should treat his children moderately. This is what we ask those who are responsible for the future of children to do.

Moderation, which is the Islamic method in dealing with everything, means caring for both the material and moral needs together. Providing clothes, food, shelter, and a superior education do not mean achieving moderation as some believers think, but it is also necessary to add moral education, religious teachings, and good manners.

O dear sister who is worried about the honor of her family, the case of your sister, who has become different from the rest of the members of the family, is a result of a previous negligence of those who were in charge of the family when your sister began associating with bad girls and watching films and reading books and magazines that led girls away from veil, abstinence, and faith.

All this is in regards to before the problem occurs, but after it happens, I advise you to do the following:

1. Bring her good cassettes, films, and books and ask some good friends to try guiding her!

2. Do not distress yourself at all because some relatives of the Prophet (S) and of the infallible imams (a.s.) have followed the Satan, but Allah has said to His kind Messenger, (Surely you cannot guide whom you love, but Allah guides whom He pleases).

3. Do not cut your relation with her, because this would make her deviate even more!

4. Let her see in you the example of the Islamic morals! You should show her your love for her and help her in her affairs so that she may come closer to you and be influenced by your faith and morals!

How can I get over issues of an unhappy childhood that involved abuse and divorce of my parents?

father-06Question: The memories of my childhood and the problems of my family that led to the physical abuse and then to the divorce of my father and mother and the misfortunes that followed distress me. I do not know how to forget them. Whenever I remember them, I become so distressed that I lose my composure and I faint. There is no doubt that these things exhaust man’s strength and abilities, which he needs for success in his future. Would you please tell me how to be rid of this state?

The answer: One of the most important bases of raising children is the relationship between parents, which is based on love, respect, mutual understanding, and cooperation. It gives children spiritual and mental stability, and this is what you have lost in your childhood. However, this does not mean that you should apply to your life what happened to your parents. Every one has an independent will and his punishment near Allah does not have anything to do with others’ punishments. If you agree with me on this belief, which is a fact in our true religion, you should do the following:

1. Seize any opportunity to build your personality and gain the factors of success in your life!

2. Consider any success in your life as possible of being repeated and reproduced and do not stop after a certain point or satisfy yourself with what you have achieved!

3. Know well that man, whatever bitter memories may distress him or press on his nerves, is able to pass over them on condition that he trusts in his mental abilities and relies on his Lord.

4. Do not allow negative memories to overcome your heart! Try to omit them from your memory! Whenever they attack you, busy yourself with reciting the Holy Qur’an, reciting supplications, reading good books, and remembering your nice memories, or leave your place, perform ablution, and walk and ponder over nature, the sky and its stars, the sea and its wonders, the trees and their fruits, the flowers and their fragrances…

5. Read books that will help you build a faithful personality and learn the ways that the believers succeeded, and read about the great people in history! You will find that most of them have undergone in their childhood different family and social sufferings like orphanhood, homelessness, and injustice. Karbala16 of Imam Husayn (a.s.) gave us great lessons that were completed by Imam Husayn’s sister, Zaynab, who inspired the spirit of resistance in the orphans and captives until she turned the apparently victorious into the real defeated. On the other hand, successful discoveries and inventions have come after many failed experiments. Then, shake off the dust of your memories and extort from your parents’ failure your success!

source :For a Better Future

How can I conquer my anger and stress?

25_IS_25214443_AoshiVN_2x1Question: What would you suggest to cure my quick anger and emotion, which is called “stress” by psychologists?

The answer: I am answering you with a full conviction that if you follow the answer, you will get the result; otherwise, you will remain as you are. The cure is a mixture of moral and practical matters. You should do the following:

1. Recite the fact of submission to Allah so that your heart feels peaceful with the mention of Allah the Almighty and then you will see the things that provoke you as simple and easy!

2. Always be (legally) pure!

3. Do not commit any sin!

4. Keep away from anything that provokes your nerves!

5. Always keep your tongue busy with the remembrance of Allah and especially with certain glorifications like “La hawla wala quwwata illa billah al-alliy al-adheem (there is no power save in Allah, the Exalted, the Great)” and “Astaghfirullah (I pray to Allah to forgive me)”.

6. Drink cold water whenever you are provoked, pour some on your head, and say salawat (peace and blessings be upon Muhammad and his progeny).

7. Go to an open place to breathe fresh air and to look as far as you can.

8. Be totally indifferent to the thing that causes your anger! Tell yourself that you are more precious than that and so it does not behoove you to exhaust your power and harm yourself!

How to defeat laziness?

avoid-laziness-workQuestion: Most youth suffer from idleness, which is the source of corruption, melancholy, and boredom. What is the way to get out of this impasse?

The answer:

The case, in its first point, is connected with the economic state of countries and this is not in our hands. As for the remaining points, they are connected with the culture of the youth. In this concern, we say:

1. Everything can be subjected to man’s will if he only knows how to do that.

2. The youth have to create opportunities of work by themselves to the extent that the law will permit them. This requires them to be acquainted with the law.

3. The youth have to reject laziness, extra sleeping, and living based on their desires.

4. They have to know the disadvantages of idleness and leisure for they bring man meanness, cause him to become involved in unlawful things, and lead him to failure in life.

5. A young man should know that life is a responsibility. First, he should be responsible for himself and then for his close relatives.

6. Man should be humble and not disdain to accept a lawful job with the excuse that it is an ordinary job or it does no befit his position or rank. Many are the people who have become wealthy whereas they were poor at the beginning of their lives; and many are the people who have become presidents and high chiefs whereas their beginnings were simple.

7. Creativity is a quality of successful people. Let the youth try to create jobs by which they will be prosperous and live well.

8. Thinking, reading, activeness, joyful spirit, optimism, satisfaction, supplication, and praying are among the main qualities that prepare for opportunities of work and then free time will be occupied and idleness will be treated.

How shall I help a friend who has psychological problems and suffers absentmindedness?

3-160312221502363Question: I have a friend who is psychologically confused and absent-minded. I do not know how I can help him. I suffer a lot for his state. Would you please help me save him?

The answer: First of all, I want to tell you that I am pleased to see your love for your friend and your concern to save him. You have a quality that Allah loves for the believers to have. I suggest that in order to save your friend, after relying on Allah and asking His assistance, you should do the following:

1. Be gentle and kind to him that he may trust you!

2. Try, by means of his relatives, to discover his actual problem!

3. To make him trust in you, tell him about similar conditions that you have treated or read about and their treatments!

4. Explain to him the harms of disobedience and the merits of obedience of Allah the Almighty. Perhaps he is melancholy because of remorse for committing a hidden sin. If it is so, ask him to repent and pray to Allah to forgive him, because one who repents of his sin becomes as pure as at the moment when he was born.

5. Inspire in him the spirit of hope, aim, and activeness!

6. Arrange, with your friends, a trip and take him with you and skillfully try to make him participate in group activities and amusements!

How shall I deal with low self-esteem?

5_things_your_should_know_about_self_esteemQuestion: I am a sad young man. I live with worry and boredom. Sometimes, I tell myself that I am a mistake in this existence. Why have I come? Who has brought me? And why does no one respond to my opinions?

The answer: You should change your way of thinking and life by doing various things:

1. Busy yourself with something like walking in the garden, for example!

2. Relax in a calm place, even if for a few minutes!

3. Observe the beautiful scenes of nature and ponder on the greatness of their Creator!

4. Practice swimming or some other sportive exercises!

5. Read some comic books or whatever else you think befits your state!

6. Assign an hour everyday for supplication, with reflection on the meaning of your supplication, and let this hour be after midnight or before sunshine!

7. Go out with your good friends!

8. Go visit your relatives!

9. Write the letters B and G in a little notebook and try, from the moment you awake, to watch yourself. When you commit a bad deed, Allah forbid, place a mark under the letter B, and whenever you perform a good deed, place a mark under the letter G. This personal vigilance will make you delighted with your good deeds and then you will decide to increase what pleases you and decrease what displeases you.

Try to form some resolutions:

1. Decide to be humble in your life! Do you know that without humbleness, the clouds, the seas, the trees, the plants, and the flowers would not give us delight or pleasure?

2. Love knowledge and scholars, for knowledge is light, and without scholars, life would be dark!

3. Be pious! Do not approach sins for sinners expose themselves while unaware!

4. Always smile even if your smile is not real in the beginning!

5. Love goodness! Love was and is still the greatest excuse of a good life. Why do we not love what enlivens us? Are religion and faith not based on the love of good and the purity of heart?

When you decide to be humble, to love knowledge and scholars, to refrain from unlawful things, to smile at people, and to love goodness, surely you will be happy because you will then know the purpose of your existence.

Do not ignore the prayer with full concentration! If your heart is not awake while offering the prayer, your prayer will just be a series of meaningless movements. The heart is the greatest airport in your existence, so let the plane of faith land in it safely! The heart is a way to Allah; if you put other than Allah in it, it will get you nowhere.

You have to reach, with your attentive heart, a state where you feel what you say when you raise your hands and read this supplication, ‘O my Lord, to You I offer my existence which is from You.’

After these steps, you will reach a degree where you will say in your supplication as Imam Ali (a.s.) has said, ‘O my Lord, it is enough honor for me to be Your slave and enough pride for me that You are my Lord. O my Lord, You are as I like, so make me as You like!’

Dear young man, your existence is not a mistake of any one. It is the gift of Allah, the One and Only. I hope you can, by the assistance of Allah, victoriously and happily resist your melancholy and leave behind your pains and boredom. When you win, please guide the people of melancholy with you because rescuing them is a good and great deed.

How can I deal with family gatherings that include namahram relatives not observing hijab?

aaaaaaQuestion: We, at home, are not ruled by the Shari’a. Lawful and unlawful rulings are disregarded, especially on Fridays when the whole family gathers together and my brothers’ wives come.

Every one shakes hands with each other. They exchange jokes and loud laughter while the wives are in their domestic clothes without veils as if they are all mahram.

As for my father and mother, they do not speak out to repair this state, which, undoubtedly, must displease the Lord of the worlds.

I do not know whether my speaking to them will have any influence or if they will just mock and scorn me! I am confused. Would you please guide me to a situation that will please Allah the Almighty?

The answer: As for them, they have turned in the disobedience of Allah; but as for you, you should either forbid them if you think that your speech will have any influence over them, even after some time, and then never mind if they mock you, for the prophets also have been mocked but they said their words and had great influences later on, or if you think that there is no benefit at all or that they may greatly harm you besides mocking, then you have to do one of two things for the family’s sake: either sit with them a little without participating in their unlawful behavior, or get out and leave their meeting.

Dear faithful brother, if you feel that you are strange among people, you should know well that you are close to Allah, and Allah is better than people!

How does one make the best use of the time during one’s youth?

bigstockcloseupofhandhold_646563Question: As you know, youthfulness is a great power that is full of vigor and activity. If we do not use it in a constructive way, it will explode to destroy what others have constructed of advantageous establishments. Most of us live idly and sleep more than required. We go out of our homes just to waste time in trivial things or boyish adventures. I hope that you can explain to us the correct way to use this great power in a manner that will please Allah and will benefit people, our society, and ourselves.

The answer: You know that when a driver loses control of his car, he throws himself and others into a bloody disaster. Do you know what prevents him from this disaster?

They are his knowledge of the art of driving and his will. Two things: one is knowledge and the other is will.

The same can be said about a young man who puts himself in a situation without knowledge or will. He will involve himself in a disaster the end of which is failure and fruitlessness.

Physical power and activeness is a Divine blessing that Allah has given to man in his youth to help him build the basis for his future ease, for a day when his power will weaken, his activeness will disappear, and diseases will attack him, and then the knowledge, wealth, position, family, friends and followers he has spared from his youth will benefit him.

You ask how to make use of the blessings of youth. It is a good and important question regarding building one’s future. The answers, as we said, are useful knowledge and will. The first is a light that illuminates one’s way and the other is a force that controls one’s power and prevents it from deviation and the occurrence of disasters.

The youth are in need of peace and not violence. This is the best fruit (patience) and patience is the best fruit of knowledge.

Imam Ali (a.s.) has said, ‘Good patience is a proof of abundant knowledge.’

The youth have to seek out knowledge and sciences that will benefit them. They should not throw themselves into the laps of bad people from this material life because then they would become slaves in the circle of untruth.

Imam as-Sadiq (a.s.) says, ‘I do not like (to see) a young man from you unless he is in one of two sates: either a teacher or a learner. If he does not do so, he wastes; if he wastes, he loses; if he loses, he is sinful; and if he is sinful, he will be in Hell, I swear by Him Who has sent Muhammad with the truth.’

The youth should seize opportunities to learn means of developing their powers in order to establish the first bases of future success. Who are the failed people in life but those who did not learn during their youth?

Then, what is the required knowledge?

It is to begin learning the Islamic beliefs, the legal laws, and the moral principles. Our scholars have written very good books about these three fields which you can read or ask one of the virtuous Ulama’ to discuss, or you can attend the lectures that are held in mosques, religious centers, houses, and the like.

Please, ponder on this word in which Imam Ali (a.s.) has described pious people by saying, ‘The Creator has become so great before their eyes, and therefore, everything else has become so trivial before them.’

If the youth learn the beliefs of Islam, legal laws, and morals, and reach the degree of piety in their faith, they will never pant after the material life or fight for its transient pleasures. They will never feel sorry if they miss one of its pleasures. They will never make troubles for this and that. They will never think of destruction or violence as a solution if fate deprives them of a blessing or prevents them from reaching it.

Dear brother, in order to walk in this upright way, you have to do the following:

1. Know yourself well, promise yourself to be sincere in achieving happiness, and watch your fancy lest it troubles your sincerity. Nevertheless, you may fall into the trap of fancy, but in this case hasten to get out of it by repenting and asking Allah to forgive you. Then review the causes of your fall and be careful that they are not repeated.

2. Fill your mind with knowledge and true historical views! Let your first source be the Holy Qur’an, which has explained everything, and keep away from the Satan and his followers!

3. Be steadfast before difficulties and be patient in any case!

4. Open your heart to your high goal, for you have been created for Paradise!

5. Make your personality respectable and try to have positive effects on others!

6. Keep a thick curtain between you and material, reactionary, shallow, anarchic, selfish, and submissive ideas!

7. Take the Qur’anic intellect, as been interpreted by the Prophet (S), Ahlul Bayt (a.s.), and the virtuousUlama’, to be the example of your intellect and conduct!

8. Read a lot about religious culture and concentrate on what you read!

9. Organize your time, order your daily tasks, and write down your appointments in your pocket notebook!

10. Trust in your own abilities and talents and complete them by cooperating with the abilities and talents of others who are like you in belief!

11. Learn how to speak appropriately with people and have influence over them!

12. Carry out the needs of whoever may ask you for help, and do not remind him of your favor to him someday!

13. Be ascetic in life! Do not wish for what there is in other people’s hands of wealth and beauty!

14. Find a job that brings lawful livelihood!

15. Hate idleness and laziness because Allah hates them, especially for the youth!

16. Take care of your physical and psychological health and do not ignore your share of amusement!

17. Get married early and always advise the youth to do so!

18. Do not stop at a certain limit in your good ambition because the way towards Paradise is open before you!

19. Be calm and plan for your future while thinking of good deeds and good rewards!

20. Do not forget the remembrance of Allah, supplication, and the love of those who have showed us the way to deliverance who are the Prophet (S) and his progeny first, and second all those who have followed them!

source :For a Better Future

How can I help my father to be less materialistic?

353246_3186Question: I am a young man studying in the first stages of the university. My father says that all happiness lies in studying until I obtain a doctorate degree and then I shall earn lots of money. He is not at all concerned about my religious affairs. He does not ask me about my prayer, fasting, or faith at all. I know that his mindset is incorrect, but I cannot say the truth to him. What should I do?

The answer: You should study and learn so you can be high in this life as your father wishes. If he sees you do so, he will not deny your prayer, fasting, or faith. The Holy Qur’an says,

(And seek, by means of what Allah has given you, the future abode, and do not neglect your portion of this world).

Do not give your father an excuse to persecute you in your religion as long as you can do both studying and performing your religious obligations. If there is a suitable occasion, try to explain to your father the meaning of this tradition when once Imam Ali (a.s.) was asked about goodness and he replied, ‘Goodness is not to have much money and many children, but goodness is to have much knowledge, to be magnanimous, and to be proud among the people of worshipping your Lord.10’

If you see your father deny your religion, even though you should do what he wants from you, do not submit to him because there is “no obedience to a creature if it means disobeying the Creator11”.

In any case, you should be very polite in dealing with your father for Allah has ordered in His Book to worship Him first and to be dutiful and kind to parents second. You may, with Islamic morals, guide your father and save him from his moral poverty; and thus good morals are the best means to achieve success after success.

I have nothing more to say about your father and his likes except to offer this tradition of the Prophet (S) when he once looked at some children and said, ‘Woe unto the children of the last time (on earth) from their fathers!’ It was said, ‘O messenger of Allah, from their polytheist fathers?’ The Prophet (S) said, ‘No, from their faithful fathers. They do not teach them anything of obligations, and if their children learn, they prevent them and they become satisfied with them for little material things of the worldly life. I am free from them and they are free from me.’

source :For a Better Future