My husband hates me because he wants male children from me, but Allah gives me females. What is my guilt in this? Why are men so severe?
Question: My husband hates me because he wants male children from me, but Allah gives me females. What is my guilt in this? Why are men so severe? I hope that you do not misunderstand me. I want to express my suffering and show the ignorance of some husbands who ignore the wisdom of Allah in His people. I offer my question so that you may show my husband and those like him the viewpoint of Islam in this concern. Thanks a lot.
The answer: Dear patient sister, I appreciate your feelings and I do not misunderstand you. In fact, I agree with you on what you say. Men are severe, but just some of them or maybe most of them. As for your husband and his like, they are unaware of the following points:
1. A husband should be happy with what Allah, Who knows the benefit of man, gives him. Let him read, for example, this saying of the Prophet (S), ‘There is no house having girls in it except twelve blessings and mercies come down to it from Heaven every day. The visit of the angels to that house does not stop. They (the angels) write to the girls’ father every day and night (the reward of) worships of a year.’
2. Doctors have proved that the semen of man determines the gender of the fetus, and the wife has nothing to do in this concern. She is just like a vessel, and the husband has to thank her because she protects his deposit in her vessel until she lays down this heavy burden. She suffers much pain and difficulties throughout the period of pregnancy.
Allah says in the Qur’an, (And We have enjoined on man doing of good to his parents; with trouble did his mother bear him and with trouble did she bring him forth; and the bearing of him and the weaning of him was thirty months; until when he attains his maturity and reaches forty years, he says: My Lord! grant me that I may give thanks for Thy favor which Thou hast bestowed on me and on my parents, and that I may do good which pleases Thee and do good to me in respect of my offspring; surely I turn to Thee, and surely I am of those who submit). Thus, Allah appreciates the efforts of a woman; then why should the husband not appreciate them if he believes in Allah?
3. The roots of hating female children stem from the pre-Islamic era. A Muslim husband should protect himself from falling into the abyss of that age of ignorance.
4. The Creator is Allah the Almighty and the husband should feel ashamed of himself if his ignorance leads him to oppose his Creator.
5. The vigor and vitality of the wife bring happiness to the marital life and make the husband recover his senses. A nice story in this concern has been mentioned by al-Jahidh in his book al-Bayan (p.186). He says,
‘Once, Abu Hamza ad-Dhabbiy left the tent of his wife and went to live with one of his neighbors when his wife gave birth to a girl. One day, he passed by his wife’s tent while she was playing with her daughter and singing,
Then Abu Hamza came into his wife’s tent and kissed his daughter’s head and her mother.’
6. Nevertheless, to be given a male child, there are some scientific and religious ways and others of the unseen, which a man can follow without harming his poor wife.
It is reported that Imam as-Sadiq (a.s.) has said, ‘Whoever wants a male child to be born, let him place his right hand on his wife’s navel on the right side (when making love), recite the Sura of al-Qadr (97) seven times, and then make love, and every day in the morning and evening he should recite (subhanallah: glory be to Allah) seventy times, (astaghfirullah: I ask Allah to forgive me) ten times, (subhanallah al-adheem: glory be to Allah the Great) nine times, and the tenth time he should say: (astaghfirullaha innallaha kaana ghaffara yursilis samaa’a ‘alaykum midrara wa yumdidkum bi ‘amwaalin wa baneena wa yaj’al lakum jannaatin wa yaj’al lakum anhaara: I ask Allah to forgive me because Allah (is the most Forgiving. He will send down upon you the cloud, pouring down abundance of rain, and help you with wealth and sons, and make for you gardens, and make for you rivers)