Love has waned in my marriage over time, how can I get it back?
Question: Fifteen years have passed since I got married. These years have been like a countdown of the love between my husband and myself. What should I do to go back to the love that was between us at the beginning of our marriage?
The answer: Sometimes the seed of love exists inside the spouses’ hearts, but accidents of life and discovering the defects and deficiencies of each other throw some dust on that seed and prevent it from growing in the marital life.
If your husband suffers from this, as I believe, then following these steps may restore your love as it was:
First, love will blossom if spouses try to water it sincerely with positive acts and if they overlook the negative acts.
Second, the goal of love is not controlling the beloved, possessing or monopolizing him as some women think. If love comes out of heart, it will undoubtedly enter into the other heart. Nothing will disturb it except selfishness and attempts to control the other, which has been referred to in traditions as “the jealousy of women”. In men, this jealousy is opposite to that of women, because when a man becomes jealous for his wife, he will protect her from bad men, whereas if a woman becomes jealous for her husband, she will practice mastery, possession, suspicion, and watching him. This will lead her husband to an aversion for her and then what she does not like will take place.
Third, do not expect much from your husband; for example, do not expect him to speak the same words of love that he used to speak during the period of engagement or the first days of marriage. If he forgets to offer you something that he used to offer on certain occasion, you should not be angry with him. You should know that these things do away with the love between you. Be discerning, easy, and humble because when a husband sees his wife is inflexible, often angry, and complicated, he will begin thinking of another wife or he will treat his wife likewise or he may submit to her unwillingly and then no place for happiness will remain in these cases.
Fourth, do not blame your husband too much because too much blame hurts one’s dignity and causes disputes and quarrels, which destroy the marital relationship. Try to understand his circumstances, appreciate his efforts, and praise the positive sides of his personality, and then refer to what deserves to be blamed in a lenient way, implicitly and smilingly.