What Are Three Stages of Upbringing a Child in Prophet’s View?

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03d214cThe Holy Prophet (peace be upon him and his family) said:

The child is the master for seven years (1st stage) ; and a slave for seven years (2nd stage) and a vizier for seven years (3rd stage) ; so if he builds a good character within 21 years, well and good, otherwise leave him alone because (if you looked after him for 21 years) you have discharged your responsibility before Allah.

As the first stage is a care-free period, it has been called mastership; the 2nd stage means taking orders from teachers and parents, therefore it has been called slavery; in the third stage the child is expected to help his parent in earning his livelihood, so it has been named viziership.

For each of these periods, the Islamic shari `ah has given some guidelines.

First Stage: Mastership

It has been explained that the child should not be burdened with books in this period. But this does not mean that his mind’s faculties remain suspended. On the contrary, the atmosphere of society continuously influence the child’s mind, though he himself is not aware of this process. Therefore, it is essential to give utmost priority to the proper upbringing and character-building.

The best way to inculcate good behaviour in children is to behave with them with good grace. In this way, they will learn etiquette, good behaviour and noble character. The Holy Prophet said: “Respect your children and teach them good behaviour, Allah will forgive (your sins).”

It is emphasized that children should be kept in a good environment. The Holy Prophet said: “O’ `Ali, it is among the rights of the child on his father to . . . teach him good manners and keep him in good society.”

Also, it is desirable to gradually give them religious training, because the impressions gained in childhood are very difficult to erase and if respect and love of religion is infused in his mind in childhood, he will always remain attached to the religion. The syllabus of such training is given in the following hadith

`Abdullah ibn Fadl narrates from al-Imam Muhammad al-Bdqir (a.s.) or al-Imam Ja’far as-Sadiq (a. s. ): When the child reaches 3 years, teach him seven times to recite ( la ilahailla ‘ llah). Then  leave him at that till he is 3 years 7 months and 20 days old; then train him to say (Muhammadun rasulu ‘llah ). Then leave him at that till he completes 4 years. then teach him seven times to say (salla ‘llahu ala Muhammadin wa aali Muhammad). Then leave him at that till he reaches the age of 5 years; then ask him which one is his right hand and which one is the left. When he knows it then make him face qiblah and tell him to do sajdah (prostration).

This is to continue till he is 6 years of age. Then he should be told to pray and taught ruku` (to kneel down) and sajdah. When he completes 7 years, he should be asked to wash his face and hands, and then told to pray. This will continue till he reaches the age of 9 years, when he should be taught proper wudu’ (ritual ablution before prayer – and should be punished if he is not careful) and proper salat (prayer – and should be punished if he is not regular). When he learns proper wudu’ and salat Allah forgives the sins of his parents.

Every sentence of this valuable hadith deserves attention. See how gradually the child taught his duties of the shari`ah without putting any burden upon him. of course, a child may be taught wudu’ and salat in a short period of 3-4 days when he is 12 or 13 years old. But that crash-programme training will not have the benefits of that gradual and early training recommended in the hadith.

Second Stage: Slavery

Now comes the period of formal education. It is the most crucial period of life, the foundation-stone of the future. Islam directs that in this period a child should first be given necessary religious education so that he may not be misled by anyone in belief or action.

Al-Imam Ja’far as-Sadiq (a.s.) said:
Make haste in teaching your youngsters hadith before they are approached by murji ‘a or Murji’ite (a wrong sect).

Children are like a green, tender branch; they may easily be bent in any direction. If they are not given proper religious education at this stage, then only Allah can save them from misleading influences.

Unfortunately, our people do not care at all about this instruction. There was a time when the teaching of the Qur’an and elementary religious subjects was a MUST. Alas! now our children in quite a tender age are sent to such institutions where inconspicuously they are saturated day in and day out with anti-religious propaganda. No wonder that when they grow up the anti-religious feeling also grows up to become a deep-rooted bias.

The Holy Prophet emphasized the teaching of two things to male children. He said: “It is the right of the male child on his father to . . . teach him the Book of Allah . . . and riding and swimming.”

Al-Imam Ja’far as-Sadiq (a.s.) said that it is the duty of the father to teach his son writing.

These traditions guide us to compulsorily include `Religion’, `physical training’ and writing in the syllabus of male children. In addition, other subjects (which are in conformity with the aptitude of the child or are necessary for earning his livelihood) may be added. In other words, the above-mentioned three are compulsory subjects while others are optional.

A separate syllabus has been prepared for the girls.

The earlier mentioned hadith of the Holy Prophet goes on to say:
And if the child is female then it is her right that she . . . should be taught the surah of ` Light’ and she should not be taught the surah of Yusuf and should not be allowed to go on the roof or windows.

According to the Qur’an and traditions, what she is obliged to learn and do is as follows:
She must learn the fundamentals of faith and the commandments of the shari `ah; and obey her husband by allowing him his conjugal rights.

But she is not obliged to earn her livelihood; nor is she duty-bound to take up the drudgery of domestic work. Similarly, it is not her duty to bur den herself with matters concerning the general welfare of society, nor to learn various subjects other than those mentioned above, nor to participate in industrial or agricultural ventures.

She is not obliged to do so. But if she acquires such additional knowledge, or perform her domestic work, or participates in matters useful to society, it will be regarded as her additional excellence, provided she keeps within the limits of hijab ( woman’s veil) imposed upon her by the shari `ah. To sum it up, the girls should be given such an education which makes them the “Light of the Home” not a “Decoration of Public places.”

Our readers should note that even a part of the Qur’an (i.e., Surah of Yusuf) is not permitted to girls to learn because it contains the references to the love of Zulaykha towards Prophet Yusuf (a.s.). Seeing this restriction, those Muslims who allow their children (and especially girls) to read sexy novels, visit cinemas where they are practically taught all kinds of obscene thoughts and deeds should be ashamed of their irresponsible behaviour. Such parents should be ashamed of themselves, if they have an iota of Islamic feelings left in their hearts.

Third Stage: Viziership

This is the period of earning one’s livelihood. But it is not possible to go into the details of “Livelihood” here.

Also, this is the period when children should get married. And much emphasis has been given to getting girls married as soon as possible.

The Holy Prophet said that it is the right of the girl upon her father that he should make haste in sending her to the house of her husband.

It is very unfortunate to see many Muslims nowadays ignoring and neglecting this responsibility till the girls sometimes reach the age of 35 or 40 years; and then nobody wants to marry those old maids. The harm which is done by this “irresponsible parenthood” is too obvious to need any description. But the sad facts is that their attitude is governed by snobbery – sometimes it is financial superiority and sometimes it is caste or clan – and those people would rather let their daughters grow into old spinsters than marry them to a young man of good character who is not equal to their financial or tribal status.

The Holy Prophet said that “Every believer is equal in status (in matter of marriage) to any other believer.” But we are so much influenced by un-Islamic cultures (based on caste or race system) that we tend to look down upon our bright Islamic culture. May Allah have mercy upon us.

The same hadith guides us about male children; that they should be married when they be-come mature. It does not necessarily mean that the boys should be married just after reaching the age of 15 years.

The first marriage of the Holy Prophet was performed when he was 25 years of age. Amir al-mu’minin `Ali (a.s.) also married Fatimatu’z Zahra’ (a.s.) when he was 25 years old. But even then, there is no criterion for age. The only thing which matters is that when a young man becomes emotionally mature and he feels an urge to enter into matrimonial relationship then he should get married without any delay. It is a condition which cannot be measured by age or time.

At this stage the parents’ responsibility towards their offspring comes to an end. If anyone brings up his children remaining within these Islamic limits, then that child surely will be the apple of the parents’ eyes and the delight of their hearts; and it is this child who, in his turn, may be hoped to fulfil his obligation towards his parents.

Referring to such offspring, the Holy Prophet said that “The virtuous child is a flower from the flowers of Paradise.” Also he said: “Among the good fortunes of a man is the virtuous child.”

Source: Islamic Family Life written by Allamah Sayyid Sa’eed Akhtar Rizvi

How can we adopt a child Islamically?

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childQuestion: My wife is sterile, and I love children very much. I do not want to die without leaving righteous descendents after me. I spoke with my wife about marrying a faithful girl who would be as her friend and assistant so that Allah may grant me good offspring, but she refused and was about to attack and kill me. Several weeks passed until our relation was restored to its natural state. I then suggested to her that we might look for an orphan and adopt him as our son, if it was acceptable to her. She accepted, but I do not know whether she was sincere or she just accepted out of courtesy. Nevertheless, how should we go about finding an orphan? How can we be sure that he is not illegitimate?

The answer: In the first part of the problem, the wife should understand the truth and submit to the verdict of the Sharia, which is the verdict of Allah, Who has given man the right to marry two, three, or four wives (on condition that he will treat them all fairly and equally) in normal cases, then how about if the first wife is in a state like that of your wife?

Let this wife be sure that when Allah sees her submit to His judgment, He will grant her goodness that will make her happy in this life and in the afterlife. If her husband does get married, whether she agrees to it or not, let her beware of the whispering of the Satan, who is the bitterest enemy of man.

In the story of Sara, the wife of Prophet Abraham (a.s.), there is a big similarity to the story of this tried wife. Sara was sterile. Prophet Abraham (a.s.) got married to Hagar. Sara became jealous of Hagar with the jealousy of unfaithful women. Therefore, Allah punished Sara by granting Hagar a good son whose name was Ishmael (a.s.), who was the forefather of our Prophet Muhammad (S) and the millions of sayyids throughout these past fourteen centuries after hijra, whereas Sara has gone without any mention.

As for the second part of the problem, if you agree on adopting an orphan, this will be a great deed if you carry out its conditions.

The Prophet (S) said, as narrated by Imam as-Sadiq (a.s.), ‘Whoever adopts an orphan until [the orphan] becomes secure from his needs, Allah will assure Paradise to him for it just as He assures Hell to the eater of an orphan’s property.’

The Prophet (S) also said, ‘The best of your houses is a house in which there is an orphan treated kindly, and the worst of your houses is a house in which there is an orphan treated badly.’

He also said, ‘Whoever shares his food and drink with an orphan so that the orphan becomes secure from his needs will be in Paradise.’

As for the matter of looking for an orphan who is not illegitimate, this matter has its own method that requires personal efforts and great accuracy, and in some countries, certain official places can help you out. I pray to Allah to make you and your wife successful in doing good deeds.

source: For a Better Future

What are the causes of adultery and how can they be avoided?

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imagesQuestion: My friend is a shopkeeper. He said that there is a married woman often tried to seduce him. Many times he chided her but with no use. One day, she came to his shop and insisted for him to commit adultery with her, justifying that her husband paid no attention to her emotional needs. Would you please talk about these dangerous corruptions and how to treat their causes?

The answer: The Prophet (S) said, ‘The wrath of Allah is so great on a married woman who fills her eyes with other than her husband or one of her mahrams. If she does so, Allah will nullify all her deeds, and if she sleeps with other than her husband on her bed, Allah will definitely burn her in Fire after torturing her in the grave.’

Dear brother, what is important is that your friend should overcome his desires and not fall into the trap of this adulteress, for then he would throw himself with her into the fire of Hell.

I would like to say to your friend and those like him what Imam as-Sadiq (a.s.) said, ‘Be abstinent from the women of people, and your women will be abstinent!’

Does his conscience accept that the honor of the women of his family should be violated? If his answer is “NO”, let him beware of opening a way for his own honor to be violated.

This tested man and that enticing woman should ponder deeply on the sayings of the Prophet (S) narrated by Imam as-Sadiq (a.s.), ‘You have to be abstinent and avoid adultery’44 and by Imam al-Baqir (a.s.), ‘There is no worship better near Allah than the abstinence of the abdomen (not to eat any unlawful thing) and genitals.’

Let them, also, ponder on the great reward of the martyr who struggles for the sake of Allah! It is less than the reward of one who is able to commit adultery but he abstains and forbears. We have been informed of such by Imam Ali (a.s.) who added, ‘An abstinent is about to be as one of the angels.’

Imam Ali (a.s.) also said, ‘Satisfaction and suppressing the lust are the best of abstinence.’

He said to Muhammad bin Abu Bakr when he appointed him as the wali of Egypt, ‘Know that the best of abstinence is piety in the religion of Allah and doing according to His orders. I recommend you of fearing Allah in secrecy and in openness…’

Dear young man, you should resist and not permit yourself to commit adultery because it is one of the major sins. Remember, when the Satan invites you towards adultery, Allah sees you as do your great Prophet (S) and infallible Imams (a.s.), who know your secrets every Thursday by the will of Allah, Who knows every secret.

You should remember that sin has destructive effects and bad consequences that disgrace man in this life and bring him distresses and griefs.

Imam Ali (a.s.) said, ‘He who hastens towards lusts, hastens towards plagues.’

He also said, ‘Whoever enjoys himself by disobeying Allah, Allah afflicts him with meanness.’

Imam al-Baqir (a.s.) said, ‘No disaster afflicts man except after a sin…’

Imam as-Sadiq (a.s.) said, ‘Allah the Almighty says: when he, who knows Me, disobeys Me, I will set up one, who does not know Me, over him.’

This is in this life, but as for the afterlife, the Prophet (S) said, ‘He who shakes hands with a woman who is unlawful (non-mahram) for him will be afflicted with the wrath of Allah, and he who sleeps with a woman who is unlawful for him will be tied by a chain of fire with the Satan and they both will be thrown into Fire.’

I would like to draw the attentions of the husbands who are indifferent to the sexual rights of their wives and also the husbands who are lenient towards their wives in allowing them to watch erotic films or in letting them go out without surveillance that they are partners in the crime of adultery their wives commit.

Imam as-Sadiq (a.s.) said, ‘Allah has given woman patience of ten men, but if she is excited, the power of her lust becomes as of ten men.’

The Prophet (S) ordered husbands by saying, ‘Wash your clothes, cut your hairs, use miswak (tooth cleanser – i.e. brush your teeth), clean your bodies, and adorn yourselves! The Israelites did not do that; therefore, their women committed adultery.’

Adultery is not just a moment of pleasure which ends with the act; rather, hundreds of problems come after it such as sudden death, which is the worst of them, illegitimate children, who form a main cause of crime in societies, and so on.

source:  For a Better Future

I worry obsessively over failing in marriage, so much so that the worry itself could affect my marriage in a bad way; how can I solve my problem?

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how-failing-at-marriage-made-me-happierQuestion: I married recently, and I suffer from much psychological worry and turmoil, fearing that I may fail in my marriage and become a sad divorcee sitting in a corner of my father’s house like thousands of divorcees. Would you please help me solve my suffering before what I fear takes place though my husband is a good man?

The answer: Dear sister, your problem shows that you lack self-confidence and your fears are not real. They are outcomes of scruple and imagination. Your worrying about your future with your husband may be a sufficient reason for you to fear as you do. To solve your problem, you have to get rid of its cause by following these steps without hesitation:

1. You should think deeply about why you scorn and belittle yourself while you have been created with the divine dignity. Allah has granted you honor and virtue as a highly respected being, so it is unjust for you to do away with your position and value.

2. After discussing the matter with yourself, you will arrive at the critical result that you are precious, and then you will know that a precious one is she who tries her best to remain precious or become more precious. This requires you to offer to your husband whatever good you can offer. This will make you more attractive before your good husband.

3. Seek refuge in Allah from the evil of the sneaking whisperer, who whispers into the hearts of mankind, of the jinn and of mankind!

4. Read some books about the aspects of a successful wife and apply them to yourself, and then do not doubt your ability to continue living with your husband in a happy, joint life with your good offspring!

5. Always take lessons from successful wives, and do not spend your time thinking of sad divorcees!

6. Always, convince yourself that you are happy, successful, strong, and brave!

7. Keep these advices before your eyes throughout your life!

source: For a Better Future

How can I control my temper?

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temperQuestion: I often become so angry that I burst out against whoever and whatever is around me. I confess that I am not happy with myself when I am angry with my wife, my children, or others, but I do not know how to treat this psychological disease!

The answer: Dear brother, be sure that anger harms your health because you burn with it your physical powers and the cells of your brain and heart. You may also, because of anger, lose your family and job. Remember that most of the dead in our present time have died because of apoplexy after a case of anger and nervousness.

If you believe in this information, be sure that your case is curable and the key to the cure is in your willpower, which may be difficult to control in the beginning, but later on it will grow stronger until you will find it easy to control your anger and change your behavior.

Here are some points to help you cure yourself inshallah:

1. When angry, try to orient your thinking and senses to something besides the subject that provokes your anger!

2. Leave the place you are in when you become angry and walk to another, and do not come back to it except after forgetting the situation or when your anger disappears!

3. Assign an hour or half an hour every day for practicing exercises, swimming, or breathing deeply! It would be better for you to practice such exercises at the seashore.

4. Teach yourself to be merry through smiling, joking, and mentioning pleasant events and comments within the limits of politeness and honesty! In other words, be good-humored, lovely, and attractive!

5. Trust in the abilities of others, and do not think that they cannot achieve something!

6. Choose some wise person with whom to discuss your sufferings, entrust him with your secrets, and consult him regarding your affairs!

7. Always perform wudu’ and mention Allah with your tongue and heart and remember that you are under His accurate watch!

source: For a Better Future

How can one know if someone suffers insanity?

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Flower-Images-and-Wallpapers3Question: Once, a dispute took place between my wife and myself about managing our marital life and our children’s affairs. She accused me of insanity. This word, instead of making me angry, has made me ponder about myself – am I really as my wife said? Would you please show the connotation of sanity that I may understand my mentality for myself and change accordingly, or I may convince my wife that I am not as she says?

The answer: I congratulate you for this liberal spirit and I wish there were more like you in our fanatic societies. The Prophet (S), who was definitely and without a doubt on the path of truth and guidance, invited the polytheists, who were on a definite path of deviation, to an open argumentation without fanaticism or omitting the argument of the other side before showing the truth. (And most surely we or you are on a right way or in manifest error).

See how the Prophet (S) made the matter of disagreement between him and the polytheists as though unresolved between guidance and deviation. Thus, he encouraged them to begin argumentation. However, in our societies, if two Muslims (or maybe two scholars) disagree, each one of them determines that he is in the truth and his opponent is in the falsehood and each one of them turns away from the other with enmity and grudge!

Dear brother, as for your question, you should be aware that sanity has some signs, most of which begin with the following don’ts:

1. Do not be inclined to violence, revenge, or transgressing against the rights of others!

2. Do not show off in your deeds!

3. Do not like despotism!

4. Do not lie!

5. Do not be lazy to spend your life idly with no aim or productivity!

6. Do not be greedy for what other people have or envy them!

7. Do not hate others, and do not fill your heart with grudge against your opponents or whoever does you wrong!

8. Do not be selfish and think yourself better than all others!

9. Do not ignore religious beliefs throughout your life!

10. Do not disperse your mind, for then your concentration on your tasks will scatter here and there!

After that, you should feel stable in your mentality and behaviors before problems, look at life positively, become hopeful of your tomorrow, and promise those whom you are responsible for a happy future. Thus, you bring yourself and your family vitality, vigor, and constructive activity.

These signs will indicate to you that your inner complexes have disappeared, and then you will live with a pure nature that will repair the condition you live in, and then you will understand your goal in this life and the duties required from you.

Dear brother, with these points, you have to prove to your wife that you are sane and you love your family, and for the sake of your family, you are ready to tolerate all difficulties in order to continue towards your goal, regardless of whether you are in difficulty or ease.

I confirm here that your not being angry with your wife when she called you insane proves that you are mentally sound, and from this point on, you must set out towards a better sanity and mentality.

source: For a Better Future

My husband is weak and uninvolved with household affairs; how can I get him to act as a proper head of household?

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weakQuestion: My husband has a weak and infirm personality. He does not manage the household affairs. He neither enjoins nor does he forbid the children. He pays no attention to their school education. How should I behave towards him in order to make him act according to his suitable position?

The answer: This is the negative side of your husband’s personality, but surely he has some positive qualities too. Try to regard these qualities as well. But as for the negative side:

First, entrust him with some tasks even if he hesitates or refuses to do them!

Second, try to give him self-confidence. For example, you can say to him: I am sure you can do this work.

Third, declare to him that you want him to be with a strong personality, and tell him that this is the wish of your children as well. Tell him that the responsibilities in marital life are common and divided according to Islamic teachings and the human nature!

Fourth, plan with your children to ask their father to interfere in their affairs and to discuss with them different issues. In other words, he should be involved in the family affairs in every way.

Fifth, if he does not change after these steps, you have to adapt yourself to his state and convince yourself that it is a good state, for every person has his own independent personality and private mentality.

What causes insomnia and how is it treated?

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Question: What is the reason behind insomnia and lack of sleep, and what is the treatment? If it is due to marital problems, it is enough to make one think of not getting married.

The answer: The main reasons behind this case are:

1. Physical pains

2. Problems pressing on one’s mind

3. Worry, especially about one’s job and future projects

4. Watching films of terror and libertinism

5. Reading books that incite lust and the nerves

6. Feeling guilt

7. Marital problems, as you have mentioned in your question

To treat yourself, you have to perform the following steps:

1. Perform (wudu’) ritual ablution before going to bed!

2. Recite some suras of the Holy Qur’an especially the sura of al-Hashr !

3. Pray to Allah to forgive you your every sin!

4. Make planned efforts according to the orders of Allah!

5. Believe sincerely that Allah manages all affairs and He is the Generous Giver!

6. Try to be outwardly and inwardly loyal and pure!

7. Be satisfied with what Allah has granted you of wealth and your marital life!

8. Be certain that this world is transient and man’s age is short!

9. Read about the problems of others and always thank Allah for His fate!

10. Tire your body out before going to bed with, for example, sports or reading!

My husband claims ineptitude at matters of home and child-rearing as an excuse for not helping me in any of these matters; how can I change his thinking?

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Question: My husband always repeats, ‘I am unable to manage the house and to educate the children. Do whatever you want and do not depend on me!’ This is not right, but I do not know how to correct his thinking.

The answer: It is very odd that the master of the family would declare his inability to manage his house, which he himself has established, or to educate one, two, or three children, whereas we find the heads of companies, foundations, and governments managing, in addition to their families, tens, hundreds, thousands, and millions of people.

What is the reason behind this difference?

The reason lies in the following points, which are absent from an incapable person’s mind and present before the mind of a successful manager:

· First point: methodology

By this we mean recognizing the goals of marriage, procreation, and forming a family, on which basis the master of the family plans for the future of his children – the future, which stems from him first and foremost. Does man, when he invites some guests, not think of the aim of his invitation and then plan how and what foods he will offer appropriate to their ranks and positions? In the same way, concerning his family and children, he should specify aims and then think and plan accordingly to execute them.

· Second point: organizing

It means distributing the domestic duties in such a way that each member of the house knows his duty and also to ensure that the greater part of the duties will not fall on the shoulder of any one person while the others live without offering any help or feeling any responsibility.

The master of the family is the one who divides the household duties amongst the members of his family according to their ages and abilities; for example, one for sweeping, the other for cooking, the third for shopping, and so on. Allah says, (…and help one another in goodness and piety).

· Third point: coordination

Parents must agree on and settle many things between themselves so that each of them knows his duties, such as buying the school supplies of their children for example. If there is no prior arrangement between the parents, the father may buy the supplies and the mother may also buy them at the same time, or neither will buy them, and thus the affairs of the children may become troubled at school.

Coordination, which is a part of organization, prevents the waste of time, abilities, and efforts and the confusion of the family members through different instructions in the house. Have you not seen Allah with your mind and heart through His great organization of the creatures and the coordination among them with the utmost accuracy? If it were not so, all life would be in tumult.

· Fourth point: leadership

The master of the family, and especially the father, should touch the hearts of the members of his family through love to attract them towards his educational instructions, and this is one of the qualities of an understanding leader. It is a stage higher than household management. A successful leader is one who does not make others submit to his will by force, but he instead uses wisdom and prudence to convince them to submit. The leader who uses severity and violence will certainly produce severe, impolite, mutinous, and wicked offspring with weak personalities.

We do not deny the importance of using strictness and firmness in some occasions. A wise leader is aware of those occasions, and he knows how and when he should become strict and firm without making others feel that he has a power over them that may deprive them of their freedom and also without making them feel that responsible supervision is of no importance. Leadership is the art of mixing many items, the most important of which are knowledge, wisdom, tact, and good practice.

· Fifth point: knowledge

The master of the family should know the actual value of these points in correlation to what Islam has legislated in its view towards the universe, life, man, and their legislative and moral concerns.

Finally, this husband should strengthen his morale by relying on Allah the Almighty. The nearest one who can help him in this matter is you, O wife. You can inspire in him the spirit of responsibility. You can encourage and praise him whenever he carries out something. You can tell him that the greatness of the famous personalities in history came about because they did not think of the difficulties in their achievements, but they instead thought of the great achievements they would get.

A neighbor couple is loud and garrulous, creating disturbance in the apartments we live in; what is the Islamic view of this behavior?

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Question: In our building, we have a neighbor, whose wife is garrulous and he himself does not refrain from talking with the female neighbors and joking with them until their laughing becomes terribly loud, besides the disturbance they make in the corridors. What is the legal verdict of Islam on this bad behavior?

The answer: This is impermissible in Islam according to these Qur’anic verses: (…then be not soft in (your) speech, lest he in whose heart is a disease yearn; and speak a good word. And stay in your houses and do not display your finery like the displaying of the ignorance of yore).

Talkativeness and nonsense often revolve around backbiting, telling tales, and revealing secrets that often cause problems between spouses, families, and neighbors; and especially problematic is the mutual joking and laughing between non-mahram men and women.

Allah the Almighty says, (And say to My servants (that) they speak that which is best; surely the Satan sows dissensions among them)and (…and lower your voice; surely the most hateful of voices is braying of the asses).

From the recommendations of Prophet al-Khidhr (a.s.) to Prophet Moses (a.s.), Prophet Muhammad (S) quoted the following, ‘Do not be talkative and do not prattle, because talkativeness disgraces the Ulama’ and reveals the defects of silly people!’

Imam Ali (a.s.) said, ‘Do not talk to people about everything you hear because it is stupidity.’

He also said, ‘A silence dressing you in dignity is better than a saying bringing you regret.’