What Kind of Friends Our Children Should Have?

friendship-heartA good friend and companion is the greatest gift of God. In adversity, a friend only is the refuge for a person and solace for his heart and soul. In this world, that is full of hardships and hurdles, presence of a true friend is absolutely necessary for every individual. One who doesn’t have any friend, will be like a person, all alone, away from home. He will not have anyone to commiserate with him in the times of need.

Imam Musa ibn Ja’far was asked what is the ideal source for comfort in this world. The Imam replied:

“An airy house and plenty of friends!”

Imam ‘Ali says:

“The weakest person is one who cannot make anyone his friend and brother.”

“Not having friends is like being a stranger in one’s own land and being a loner.”

As the grown-ups need friends, the children too want friends and companions. A child who doesn’t have friends, will always be lonely and forlorn. The child, by nature, needs a friend and companion. He cannot be denied this natural need. There is also a subtle difference between a friend and acquaintance. Perhaps, a child may have acquaintances but no friends. Sometimes a child selects a friend from his class fellows and the children in his neighborhood. The cause for picking up a particular person as a friend may not be evident. Perhaps the spiritual similarity between the two has brought them together.

The Commander of the Faithful, ‘Ali, says:

“The hearts of people are like migrant nomads, whosoever loves them, they are attached to him.”

A friend cannot be thrust on anyone. The parents cannot very much restrict the child to accept particular persons as friends. The child must be free to make his own choice of friends. But this freedom will be with some conditions and restrictions. The character and conduct of the friends will have to be observed by the parents before they permit the child to pick a friend. If a child selects a courteous and polite friend, he will definitely benefit by picking up his good habits. To the contrary, if the friend has undesirable habits then, naturally, the child will take to some of his bad habits. There are plenty of children and youths fallen into the morass of sin because of indiscreetly selecting bad friends. .

The Prophet of Islam has said:

“A man follows the faith, ways and habits of his friend.”

‘Ali, The Commander of the Faithful, says:

“The most fortunate are those who have connections with good people.”

This is the reason the Religion of Islam exhorts its peoples to abstain from bad company.

‘Ali said:

“Avoid making friendship with transgressors and sinning persons because evil creates evil.”

Imam Zain ul Abidin told to his son, Imam Muhammad al Baqir:

“O my son, avoid acquaintance of five type of persons:

  1. Don’t be friends with a liar. He will be like a mirage. He will trick you. When a thing is far, he will say it is near; and when it is at hand, he will say that it is very far.
  2. Don’t make a transgressor and sinner your friend because he might sell you for as low a price.
  3. Don’t make a parsimonious and stingy person your friend who may not help you in times of need.
  4. Don’t make a stupid person your friend, lest he bring harm to you with his stupidity. It is possible that with all good intentions, he might bring harm to you with his foolish actions.
  5. Don’t be friend with those who deprive their kin of their rights. Such persons are shorn of Allah’s Blessings and are accursed people.

 

Responsible and thoughtful parents will not be totally unconcerned with the type of friends their children cultivate. While the parents must know the type of friends a child has, they should not appear to be interfering in their personal matters.

If the parents can provide a good friend to their child, they have made a great contribution to his virtuous future. But this is not such an easy task. The best way is to acquaint the child with what is good, and what is not, when he comes to the age of understanding. They should explain to the child the defects that might be there in undesirable friends.

The parents must keep a subtle watch over the activities of the child and his friends from a distance. If they find that the friends are good, they must appreciate them. They should create opportunities for the child to meet such friends. But if they notice that the child has picked up an undesirable acquaintance, then they should discreetly try to cut this friendship short. If the child persists in such friendship, deal with the matter strictly.

The parents can help the child in making good friends by another method. They should pick children in their neighborhood with good behavior, character and background. Create opportunities for the children to meet and react with one another. If they become friends, encourage them to cement the friendship. This way, even if there are some minor defects in their own child, they can be warded off in the company of good children. For example, if a child is timid, he might overcome his timidity by being friends with a bold and courageous child.

The parents should not be totally oblivious of the type of friends their child has. Particularly when the child is on the threshold of youth. This will be the period in his life when habits take root. .Any negligence on the part of the parents might result in irreparable harm to the character and conduct of the child, if he persists to be in bad company. They should remember the dictum: Prevention is better than cure!

‘Ali, The Commander of the Faithful, says:“For everything there is a calamity, and for virtue the calamity is a bad friend.”

Source: “Principles of Upbringing Children” written by Ayatullah Ibrahim Amini

What happened on the day of Mab’ath?

akepw

Certainly (the Almighty) has conferred a benefit upon the faithful when he appointed among them a prophet from themselves, reciting to them His verses and purifying them, and teaching them the Book and the wisdom, although they were surely in manifest error before that.
(The holy Quran, 3:164)

What happened on the day of Mab’ath?

over a millennium and four centuries ago, the Archangel, Gabriel, descended by God’s command on Mount Noor on the outskirts of the then obscure town of Mecca in the Arabian Peninsula with the following divine message to the 40-year old person popularly known as as-Sadeq or the Truthful, and al-Amin or the Trustworthy:    

Read in the Name of your Lord Who Created; Created man from a clot; Read and your Lord is Most Honourable; Who taught (to write) with the pen; Taught man what he knew not?
(The holy Quran, 96:1-5)

The moment Archangel Gabriel brought these ayahs to the person whose light was the first thing created by God Almighty, Prophet Muhammad (SAWA), as calm and confident as ever, recited them as if he knew it more perfectly than the conveyor of the message. What transpired on the 27th of Rajab at Cave Hera, exactly 1447 lunar years ago, was that glorious moment which would change the destiny of the world. This was the start of the gradual revelation for the next 23 years of the holy Qur’an, which remains till this day as the Immortal Miracle of Islam.

Did the Holy Prophet profess any religion before his prophetic mission?

dw98a

For quite some time the question of the religion of the Holy Prophet before his appointment to the prophetic mission has been a matter of discussion between the Shi’ah and Sunni scholars. They have raised the following issues and given reply to each one of them:

1. Did the Holy Prophet profess any religion before his appointment to the prophetic mission?

2. Supposing that he was the follower of a religion, was it his own religion?

3. If he was the follower of any other religion was that religion revealed to him independently and he followed it independently or he was reckoned to be one of the followers of that religion?

4. If he acted on that religion independently or as a follower, to which of the former Prophets did that religion belong?

These are the four questions which come across in various books of Seerah (the Prophet’s biography), history, and interpretation. However, is it necessary that we should give definite replies to these questions? Is it basically necessary that we should study various books on history, exegesis and the Holy Prophet’s biography and collect the requisite answers?
We feel that discussion of these particular points is not at all necessary. Rather what is important is that we should conclusively prove that before his appointment to the prophetic mission the Holy Prophet believed in and worshipped only Allah the One, and was pious and chaste.

This can be proved by the following two methods:
Firstly by studying his forty years of life preceding his appointment to the prophetic mission, and secondly by examining what has been said on the subject by the leaders of Islam.

1 To sum up his forty years of life, it was a life of modesty and chastity, honesty and truthfulness, uprightness and righteousness, goodness and kindness to the oppressed and the needy and contempt toward the idols and the idol-worshippers. So much so that once, When he performed a journey to Syria in connection with trade and the other party, to a transaction, swore by idols he said: “The most obnoxious things which always arouse my wrath are these very ‘Lat’ and ‘Manat’ by which you are swearing”.
Besides this, he prayed continuously in the cave of Hira during the month of Ramadan and performed Haj time and again, for as the sixth Imam says, he (the Holy Prophet) performed Haj secretly ten times and according to another narration twenty times. And, as we know, all Haj ceremonies are the performance of rites to which Prophet Ibrahim invited people and wished that by this means those who believe in Allah, the One should assemble at one particular place during a fixed period.
Similarly, the Prophet always remembered Allah while taking his meals and refrained from eating meat of the animals which had been slaughtered in an unlawful manner, and was very much disturbed to see obscene scenes, wine-drinking and gambling; so much so that at times, he sought asylum in the mountains and returned home when a part of the night had passed. Now what demands our consideration is this:
Is it possible to doubt the faith of a man who has passed his life in the manner stated above and who does not possess even the smallest weak point from the very beginning of his life, and who passes a part of his life in hills and in secluded places to meditate upon the beautiful phenomena of the world. We consider an ordinary man to be pious, dutiful and righteous if we observe one tenth of these qualities in him, what to speak of the Holy Prophet?

2 The second method of finding out the real position, is the study of numerous documents and narratives which have reached us from the leaders of Islam. One of them is the discourse of Imam Ali, the chief of the monotheists, in ‘Khutbah-i Qasi’ah’:
“From the time the Holy Prophet had been weaned, the Almighty Allah had associated the most distinguished angel with him so that he might show him the path of magnanimity and goodness during day as well as night”

It all started in the Cave of Hira

akepw

The Hira mountain is situated in the north of Makkah and one can reach its summit within half an hour. The surface at this mountain consists of slabs of black stone and no signs of life are found in it. In its northern point, there is a cave which can be approached by man after crossing the stones. Its height is about as much as the stature of a man. Sunlight penetrates into a part of this cave and its remaining part is always dark.
However. this very cave is a witness to such incidents about its close friend that even today people hasten to it with an ardent desire to hear about these incidents from its mute language and to reach its threshold, after undergoing many hardships, so as to enquire from it about the incident of ‘revelation’, as well as about a part of the life history of that great benefactor of mankind. And the cave also replies in its mute language:

“This is the place of worship by the honourable one of Quraish. Before he attained to the office of prophethood he spent many days and many nights in here. He had selected this spot, which was away from uproar, for the purpose of prayers and worship. He spent the entire month of Ramadan here, and at other times also he took asylum in this locality every now and then. So much so that his dear wife knew that as and when he did not come home he must be busy in prayers on the mountain of Hira. And when she sent people after him they found him meditating and praying at this place.”

Before Muhammad (pbuh) attained to the office of prophethood, he used to reflect much upon two matters:

1 He studied thoroughly the book of existence and observed the luminosity, power and craftsmanship of Allah in the features of every existing thing. By conducting deep study of the skies and the stars and prudently considering the creatures on earth he was approaching nearer to his target day after day.

2 He meditated upon the onerous responsibility which, he knew, he had to shoulder. With all the corruption and deterioration of the human society in that time, he did not consider its reformation to be something impossible. However, the enforcement of reformatory programme, too, was not devoid of difficulties and hardship. Hence, he observed the tumultuous life of the Makkans and the voluptuousness of Quraysh and reflected upon the ways and means of their reformation.
He wondered at the people worshipping the lifeless and ineffective idols and showing humility before them and signs of discomfort appeared on his face. However, as he had not been ordained to mention the realities, he refrained from pointing them out to those people.

The Eternal Wisdom of muharram and ashura

fs

Students of the so called historical method argue that in terms of immediate history, nothing was achieved as a result of the events on `Ashura, i.e. Muharram. They say that it was a tragedy, but its overall effect on the political events of the period was negligible. This is their conclusion and when they are asked why the Islamic books of history, written by scholars many centuries ago, devote more space, more pages, more words, to that event than to any other in the history of Islam, why there are more books devoted to that event in Islamic history than to any other, they shrug their shoulders and mumble something about the Shi`i influence on the writing of history. Yet, many of the writers are not members of the Shi’a. The famous Islamic historian Tabari devoted nearly two hundred pages to the story. No other event receives as much attention from him. He most certainly was not a member of the Shi`a.

Cosmic Nature of the Martyrdom of Imam Husayn (A)
The fact is that these petty scholars with their tendentious criticisms are concerned only with the narrow details of political history. They do not perceive the cosmic nature of the martyrdom of Imam Husayn (A). For them, history is the restricted study of immediate cause and effect in political developments. But real history is about something far more important than that. Real history concerns men’s relationship with God and how that rela­tionship affects men’s relationships with each other. Real history attempts to show the cosmic significance of events, not their narrow immediate political results. The tragedy of Karbala’, the martyrdom of Imam Husayn (A), is one of those events of cosmic significance. Its lessons concern not just one group of men and their relationship to the world, but all mankind. It is a moral paradigm. It teaches sacrifice and opposition to injustice: it teaches integrity of purpose, love of family, gentle­ness, and bravery. In fact, in the account of the tragic journey and martyrdom of Imam Husayn (A), there are lessons in all the moral virtues. Perhaps the one that strikes most of us most forcefully is our own inadequacy in comparison with the enormous sacrifice Imam Husayn (A) made on behalf of mankind.

Sacrifice of Imam Husayn (A) and Will of God
Imam (A) voluntarily allowed himself to be the greatest sacrifice on this earth, seeking to fulfil the will of God. On this day, nearly fourteen hundred years ago, the Imam prepared himself for martyrdom. The symbols of his martyrdom are many, the suffering dreadful. He watched as, one after another, his followers went to their deaths; as, one after another, his kinsmen went to their deaths; even his baby son was slaughtered in his arms as he gave him a farewell hug.

Bravery of Imam Husyn (A)
Yet Imam Husayn (A) was not merely the example of a great martyrdom, he was also the exemplar of bravery and fortitude. He fought a brave and fierce fight against so many. Such was his power and strength, such was the aura of his person and he was by no means a young man that the only way his enemies could kill him was by a whole group of them attacking him at the same time and stabbing him together. The humiliation of the death was total; the vindictiveness and wickedness of this action by men is illustrated by the fact that his clothes were ripped from his body and then horses ridden over it.

The Paradigm of all Unjust Deaths
The lesson is clear to us all: it shows the lengths of human wickedness. Imam Husayn (A) exemplifies all suffering humanity. In that martyrdom, in those blows to his body, in the trampling of horses over it, Imam Husayn (A) is the model, the paradigm of all unjust deaths, of all humans suffering.

Steadfastness in the way of Right Path
In this, his martyrdom teaches suffering men to endure, to remain steadfast in their belief in God. It also has a lesson to teach men who are more fortunate, that the world is a transitory place, worldly success is not an end in itself, and that man should always be aware of the suffering Imam Husayn (A) experienced. By their awareness of this they will learn to treat worldly success with humility. In the real sense of cosmic history, the martyrdom of Imam Husayn (A) is a mighty triumph, a wondrous victory. Who would know the name Yazid today except for the fact that he was responsible for the martyrdom of Imam Husayn (A) ? Otherwise he would just be another of the thousands of despots, tyrants, and bullies that have abused their authority, another footnote in the history of man. However, because his tyranny and wickedness was responsible for the good, the noble, the pure Imam’s martyrdom , he, by killing the Imam, the human model of goodness and bravery, has become the human model of injustice and wickedness.

The Victory of Truth over Falsehood
The triumph of Imam Husayn (A) lies in the fact that his inspiration has moved men to grieve for him throughout the centuries. The pure light of ennobled humanity in the Imam has motivated generation upon generation of the Shi’a, to suffer endless hardship, to keep his memory alive. The first beginnings of the majlis, the sessions held in honour of the martyrdom of Imam Husayn (A). are to be discerned in the first gatherings of the surviving family of the martyred Imam. Very soon these gatherings of grief developed outside the family to include others. Not long afterwards there was the majlis of the Kufan penitents, the tawwabin, when they gathered at his graveside to lament, to grieve, to prepare for martyrdom in the battle that was to come, to try, in some small way, to make them worthy of the sacrifice Imam Husayn (A) had made for them and all mankind. The triumph of the martyred Imam is such that every year on `Ashura, in places all over the world, the faithful gather together to remember the Imam.

A Threat for Tyranny
All despotic regimes have felt threatened by these majlises. Throughout the centuries they have tried to prevent them. At one time even the site of Imam Husayn (A)’s grave at Karbala’ was ploughed up. They feared the grief and lamentation for Imam Husayn (A) because in that grief and lamentation people remembered the goodness, the justice, the kindness, the gentleness, and the bravery of the martyred Imam (A). These were not qualities that tyrannical governments wished people to think about; their concern was bribery, corruption, nepotism, and naked force. They saw the threat to their world, to their values, to their position. Seeing it, they sought to suppress the memory of Imam Husayn (A). However, such was the power, the influence, the glory of that memory, that they could not remove it from the hearts of men, from the Shi’a of all the Imams, the Shi`a of Imam Husayn (A). The Importance of a Global Platform In one of his historic statements Imām al-Ĥusayn (A) clearly says that the main reason behind his uprising is to seek reform in the Muslim nation. Then he describes the path he would undertake to meet this aspiration: “I would like to invite towards good and shun the evil.” In order for him to carry out this reform immediately, the best place to go to was Makka, where pilgrims from all over the Muslim world would come to perform ‘Umra and Ĥajj. They would listen to his message, wake up, and relate the same to their people on their return. Historical records tell us that while in Makka, Muslims from different countries used to visit Imām al-Ĥusayn (A) day and night, and listen to what he had to say.

Opposition against Falsehood
The movement of Imām al-Ĥusayn (A) reveals the personality of Imam (A) as a great freedom seeker. He never allowed himself to submit to any government that does not obey the laws of God. In fact it is a practical manifestation of ‘Islām’ (submission to the will of God). Submitting to every call of disbelief or polytheism is to alienate from the path of utter submission to Almighty Allāh. Not surrendering to falsehood and remaining very steadfast in his stance, he taught every future human being ‘the lesson of steadfastness’ by not submitting to falsehood and oppression. And this unwavering stance remained until his martyrdom.

Seeking Refuge in Allah
Imam al-Ĥusayn (A)’s move to Makka also alludes to something highly important. His refuge to the Divine sanctity of safety, perhaps demonstrated that his only refuge is Allāh in whose house there is always safety: “In it are clear signs and whosoever enters therein is safe” (Quran, 3:97) Seeking refuge in the Divine sanctity, however, should transport us to a loftier meaning: one who really seeks refuge in Allāh is safe from all kinds of polytheism and oppression. It is not necessary for us to limit our understanding to the physical and tangible import of the verse. The safety referred to in the verse, however, is a legislative direction which creates responsibilities on the Muslim nation. In other words, Almighty Allah commands us to observe security in His house. No one is allowed to shed blood in there; no animal is to be injured, etc. But if some like Hajjāj bin Yūsuf al-Thaqafī, out of their disbelief, were to transgress the limits, they can endanger the lives of the like of the selfishly motivated ‘Abdullah bin Zubayr who despite having sought asylum in the holy precincts of the Ka’ba was killed therein. However, the safety can also refer to seeking the shelter of ‘one’s spirit’ in Almighty Allah. This meaning can also be understood by looking at some recommended supplications to be recited near the Ka’ba: O Allāh, surely You said ” and whosoever enters therein he/she would be safe”; therefore, save me from the punishment of Hell Fire. Therefore, one who seeks the protection of his spirit from Almighty Allah would undoubtedly be safe from every calamity that would ruin his spiritual life. If his physical life were to be sold for an exalted aim, he would never lose. Instead he would attain a lofty station and eternal salvation. If the leaders who govern Muslim nations of the world today were to understand and apply this lofty concept they would never assist terrorist and tyrant regimes whose evil nature is more apparent than ever today. Every concerned Muslim should try to understand and heed to the call of Imām al-Ĥusayn (A) which still echoes in the hearts and minds of the truth-seeking human beings: Indeed you know that the Messenger of Allah (s) said during his lifetime: “Whoever observes a sovereign legalizing what God has made unlawful, violating the covenant of God, opposing the Sunnah of the Messenger of God, and treating the creatures of God sinfully and oppressively, and does not oppose him with his speech and action, God has a right to bring him to the same fate as that of the tyrant…” “Don’t you see that what is true and right is not acted upon and what is false and wrong is not forbidden?…” “Is there any protector who defends the sanctuary of the Messenger of Allāh?”

References
—————
1. Bihar al-Anwar, Allama Majlisi, v. 44, p. 328 2. Al-Kafi, Thiqatu’l Islam al-Kulayna, v.4, p. 528 3. Bihar al-Anwar, Allama Majlisi, v. 44, p. 381 4. An Everlasting Instruction;Imam al-Husayn’s (‘a) Journey to Makka, Abu Muhammad Zaynu’l ‘Abidin 5. Tabari, op. Cit., 216 390. 6. Tabari, op. Cit., p. 360. 7. Tabari, op. Cit., p. 366. 8. Tabari, op. Cit., p. 368. 9. M. M. Shams al Din, op. cit., pp. 140 50. 10.Tabari, Ta’rikh, III, 1408. 11.Ashura Lectures 1990,(Yawm al-Tarwiya: a Day of Beginning and Ending in the Martyrdom of Imam Husayn),Dr. I.K.A Howard